baybabe

HA HA Thats funny! Actually his side of the story includes 11 years of emotionally abusing me, Beating the shit out of me for telling him ONE TIME while he was drinking heavily that he was acting a bit like a jerk (he called my friends kid a little fuckin jerk to the kids face), 6 years of alcoholism... which consisted of him sleeping constantly because he was ALWAYS too wasted to function, I could go on and on and on. So YEAH he did hold a job WOOOO HOOO thats ALL he did PERIOD! EVERYTHING else was up to me. I was criticized by my friends and family because I continued to give him respect that he DIDNT deserve. And the last thing I will be saying about your comment is... He was fucking lucky to have me, my tolerance time clock done ticked its last tick. If I wasnt a wonderful respectful wife he wouldnt be begging on his knee's to be forgiven. What actually happened was he was starting to realize that I was done putting up with a guy that wasnt treating me right. In fact once in a while he would say that he wanted to end our marriage because he doesnt deserve me and my comment to him was "thats not true I love you very much"...so yeah I think your WAY WRONG but I will give you this much...somebody has to play the devils advocate way to go!

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"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up" ~Mae West

Loki

I was with a woman one time that no matter what I did it wasn't enough, she was mean and very abusive emotionally, verbaly and she would beat the shit out of me. I worked a full time job and I painted cars on the side, she took all the money and just blew it, then she would bitch to me and about me to others.................. I was having a flashback.

But you know, it all boils down to this, if you aren't happy, if the kid see nothing but anger and sadness and there is no hope to rebuild then all you can do is leave! But it IS a very big step and it is one of the hardest things in the world to do, but you must think of the kids first, what is the best for them?

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Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young." — Henry Ford, American industrialist (1863-1947).
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Loki's Progress Link.

http://www.betterman.com/3948-lokis-progress.html
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10

You know Loki, baybabe gave a pretty accurate description of what she's been through. This girl has been through fucking hell bro! FUCKING HELL!

As JP said, you need to go back through this thread and reread her posts..........ALL of them and then I think you'll see that an apology is in order. I'm sorry you had such a rough road with the woman you mentioned above but that isn't a reason to jump on baybabe like that. Am I defending her? Hell yes! She's been through alot bro............alot!

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Loki

To work all the time and be lazy, sorry, doesn't make any sence to me at all ! I have no doubt that she has been through hell.................. I also have no doubt their kids have and still are going through hell, that is a very sad thing, I am sorry for that.

__________________
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young." — Henry Ford, American industrialist (1863-1947).
.................................................. .....................
Loki's Progress Link.

http://www.betterman.com/showthread.php?t=3948
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baybabe

So what your saying is...a man's one and only job in a marriage is to bring a paycheck home? Geee that's EXACTLY what he thought too. I had the kids in sports and other activities, when they had ceremonies... I attended not him, he sat home and drank or slept. He never even wanted to watch the video of it! I dont even know if the town I live in knows I HAD A HUSBAND! That to me is lazy, it is possible to be lazy and work. I'm not going to go on and on to prove my point I'm obviously not getting anywhere and I am kind of getting uncomfortable with how I drug his name through the dirt this far in the thread. So I will leave it at that regarding him. I have one last thing on Loki's post and that is that I protect my children to the best of my abilities and believe that they will be happier not to worry that dad is going to beat on mom cause he's at the bottom of his bottle.
And I feel the need to clarify...I'm not abusive physically OR mentally by any means, he was owed that slam into the wall for the abuse I have put up with.
Another thing is it has taken me 10 years to muster up the microscopic set of balls I have today and its a daily battle for the strength to stand up for myself and put my foot down, when I hear comments like Loki's it is difficult for me not to be knocked back a couple notches and question myself. Then I remember the things that are locked away in my mind that caused my family to worry he may take my life "If I can't have her no one can" type stuff. Like I said I'm not going into it but, I simply cant turn a blind eye to these comments...I'm just completely FLOORED about how wrong you are.

You said...
I say... RESPECT IS EARNED He's been lucky I have given him things he never earned.

__________________
"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up" ~Mae West

happy stud

Hey baybabe we are behind you 100%. Let me know if I need to come out to California and beat his ass. And another damn thing. Pay absolutely no damn attention to what Loki wrote. He thinks because his ex was an unappreciative bitch that all women are like that. He needs to look at each situation seperately and somehow or another quit dragging his past into your deal.

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10

Shit baybabe, I'll accompany studly on his quest to rearrange your ex's face. Then he'll see what it's like.

You know where I stand bb..............I'm behind you all the way girl. Don't second guess yourself on this shit. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! Life is far too precious and short to put up with the shit you've put up with for so long. Again, you've got full 150% support here girl. Don't forget it.

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southern tz

I don't blame you a bit, BB. You did everything you could. You are more of a saint than I am. I could never last ten years with someone like that. Good luck!!

happy stud

I think you got it backwards. If a man lasted 10 years with you he would be the saint.

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southern tz

If a man lasted ten years between my legs, he would think he was IN heaven!!

bozoballz

Wow. You know I just read this thread... I didn't know all this went down with our sweet friend BB.

One thing I do want to address is in regards to this:

I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I am glad you are finding your strength tho. You didn't have a man in your life... you had a little boy who was selfish and uncaring about you and the kids. You deserve so much more and leaving him is the first step. Don't second guess yourself. Don't look back. Be strong thru it all. Don't let other people, who lack their own confidence, bring you down to wallow in the shadows with their negativity. You can transform your life and your kids life to something so much better..... perhaps the 20 y/o is a blessing... the blessing you needed to move on and find a better life.

You have our warmest, best wishes.

The "microscopic balls" you speak of is very modest of you. I think you are showing the courage and heart of a lion to be standing up for yourself like you are. Many people never do BB. You are a kind person and thru your kindness have given this man many, many years and chances to try to BE a man and how'd he repay you? By cheating on you. That thought alone should help you never second guess yourself. You are a lion and don't you forget it.

Hope that helps.

-bozo

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So it goes like it goes, like the river flows. And time, it rolls right on.
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better, and maybe what's bad gets gone.

baybabe

This was so sweet to read, I mean it! You are so full of heart I cant even believe it. Thank you all for being so kind. I really DO need to hear others say this sort of thing because, when he calls me and try's to fill my head with bullshit I feel like I have more strength because of the honesty I have heard perfect strangers say...now, who's up for some stranger sex?

__________________
"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up" ~Mae West

happy stud

The next time he calls give him this website so he can read how all of us have told him to go fuck himself.

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10

Bozo, THAT post of yours ROCKED! Brother, I commend you man. That was some truly awesome shit you said to bb and she definitely needed to hear it! Again, great job on that post. That's the exact same stuff I've been telling her! She didn't have a man, she had a little boy. Dead on target man, good job!! :)

And I also agree with studly. Have his ass sign on here bb so we can all take a turn verbally beating the SOB into the fuckin' ground.

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bozoballz

Your welcome. I think I can speak for us on the forum that we are here for you and will see you all the way thru this tough time. Seriously, were not going anywhere. If you're open to it, keep us posted as to how things go. Sometimes we all can use a little help to keep on our feet, especially during tough times.

Damn, some stranger sex sounds HOT.

One more thing, these phone calls where he tries to fill your head with bullshit... you may need to get used to them. Harden yourself and don't forget what he's put you and the kids thru. If your situation unfolds like situations I've seen before then he will try to get you back, perhaps even at the cost of his own sanity. I've seen more then one woman have to get a restraining order to get an ex off her back... I'm not saying yours will go that route but just saying that sort of thing is common. Men like that are cowards... unable to to accept responsibility for being such a shit to their wives. Like I said you are showing the heart of a lion and we'll not let you forget that.

Hope I'm not being too forward. I just want to help. I think you're a sweet girl... many of us do. We're rooting for you.

-bozo the ballz

__________________
So it goes like it goes, like the river flows. And time, it rolls right on.
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better, and maybe what's bad gets gone.

latinlover

Wow, this is really a tough one. If I could without a doubt prove that she was cheatin on me for sexual reasons, And depending on how the relationship in general was going, If it was a good realtionship, I'd try in my heart to forgive an forget an move on with her again, IF,she was still willing too. I am in that situation right now, an she is just beautiful beyond words,the greatest body I have ever seen on a woman, but our past history is somewhat rocky, we differ on alot of thoughts an ideas. She is very soft,yet controlling-I am harder yet controlling. so go figure. I just feel this attraction to her that I can't explain an we are still together.-latinlover

latinlover

If I was the one doing the cheatin, I would live with whatever decision she made. I can be pretty flexible in that department an besides I am a survivor. I can go it alone if I have to. It would not be the end of the world for me. She is not the only woman in this world. Again, after we hopefully talked it out, I would live with her wish. latinlover

baybabe

It's like you called it just as it happened...do you have some type of psychic ability or is this speaking from experience?

Briefly this is what has happened...
He did fill my head up with a bunch of shit! Yesterday! He came over to see the kids (Yeah rite) he took them to the park for 20 min then took a walk with me alone to talk for 2 HOURS in which time he put a "SHIT FUNNEL" to my head and started pumpin it out. He basically said everything in the books to get me to let him move back in, he said he didnt want anything to do with "HER" and he would even quit his job (she works there) and get rid of his cell phone. So the verdict by the end of the day was "I'll think about it and call you tomorrow".
Before I called him I check the phone bill online to see if he really did only want me (I know I know Im SICK I can do way better idk what my problem is?) and sure as shit... 10:02 for 28 min last night he talked to her! I called him and said "Did you talk to her last night after you left my house?" he said "NO" I said shut the fuck up, I'm done. good bye, your a liar! How can you sit there and say that to my face?!?!?" Long story short you know what my answer was...NO. So now he is saying he will be leaving today to go back to his home state with his family because he cant live without me yada yada. If he does this it will be less painful but harder because he will no longer have a paycheck to help me with and I dont make enough to afford the house I am in and I wont have enough time to give notice HERE! This is getting WAY more complicated.

__________________
"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up" ~Mae West

lifted

Yikes! Babe im sorry, if you don't mind me saying, that "JERK!" The "Sick" thing is is that he is probably telling the truth he can't live without you. That is the weird part. The part I don't get. It is like they want thier Kate and Edith to.

Sue for divorce and get child support. Don't wait on this.
You have to clear your head and muster up now. If you have a joint account Draw out all the $$ then close that account open up new one in your name.
If he has credit cards get his name off of them, now! Close out the credit cards and open new one in your name.

Don't let him suck $$ on his way back to his state of origin
Change the locks on your doors.
Contact your kin, they may want to help you to.

__________________
Big in the britches!

baybabe

You know what, I'm afraid that you are right. Unfortunately it will take more than a microscopic set of nuts to accomplish this. I need to work on it, thats kinda why I checked the phone bill so I could see that he was still calling her, my balls are ALLOT bigger when I am mad. I get way too calm and cool the more time goes by, it takes me getting angry to tell him to F OFF. Anyway, thanks for the advice I am going to work on this.

__________________
"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up" ~Mae West

W.M.P.

BB, stay on course and break the cycle. You give him a chance and it's only a matter of time before it goes back to the same and even worse. There is absolutely NO FUCKING WAY that this guy will deserve a 2nd chance. Back in my homeland, spousal abuse was quite common in classic, stereotypical latinamerican fashion...until the caring neighbors of the victims started taking matters litteraly into their own hands. Neighbors got tired of seeing women be abused, even after getting a restraining order and all that shit, so they started inflicting some good 'ole vigilante justice. These days, guys like your soon-to-be ex barely ever survive the onslaught of angry neighbors once their ways are found out. Both male and female neighbors take these abusive motherfuckers out to the street and beat them into an unrecognizable mess.

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Those who follow tao don't seek to arrive anywhere, so their journey is never over.

Lao Tzu

southern tz

These are excellent suggestions, lifted!! Definitely start talking to a lawyer, baybabe. Most will give an initial consultation. I know someone who tried to "save a few bucks" during his divorce and his ex took him to the cleaners!! Divorces are for the pros!!

lifted

This is going to be hard on the kids im afraid

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Big in the britches!

10

OK, here's one of the biggest problems I have. He's going to move back to his home state of origin? OK, does he not see that he has kids to support and raise??? He may think he can just walk away but he can't. Your kids need his financial support. It would be one thing if it was just you, but it's not. I'm a HUGE advocate for kids caught up in the adult world of bullshit divorce. Kids often times are the ones who end up suffering the most. As lifted said, waste no time in suing the some bitch for child support and alimony.

I know this is going to be hard but at this point bb, you've gone past the point of no return. And this bullshit about him not being able to live without you..........it's just that, it's bullshit.

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budn

Cheating is wrong plain and simple.. love them or leave,

southern tz

Good post, budn. Quick and to the point!