jennifer

Hi everyone. I would like to get everyone's opinion on the subject of cheating. I am going to ask two hypothetical questions and would love for everyone to participate.

Question #1 - IF you found out your partner were cheating on you what would you do? What conditions, if any, would you forgive them and what conditions, if any, would you leave them?

Question #2 - IF you were cheating and your partner found out, what would they do? What conditions, if any, would they forgive you and what conditions, if any, would they leave you?

pleaser

....Jennifer asks while continuing to stir up the pot....

OK, my answers: Question #1. It would depend on the nature of my relationship and how and why she cheated. For example, if we had been married a long time, have kids, have "built a life" together, it would probably be worth trying to work through it maybe with counseling. If we were only dating for a short time, and it wasn't a very serious relationship, it might also be something to overlook. But if we were at a stage where we had agreed to a comittment to each other but didn't have a lot invested in the relationship yet, then it is likely that the relationship would be poisoned by the lack of trust so best to just end it.

Question #2: My marriage is essentially over (not because of cheating, long story), but I'm guessing my wife would not have left me for cheating as long as I was otherwise a responsible father and provider. The relationship would change, I'm sure she would shut me out emotionally for a long time, it would be unpleasant, but I don't think she would leave as long as I was providing a home for her. And this gets to the fundamental difference in the power men and women bring to a relationship. Men's power derives largely from being able to provide materially, while women's power derives largely from being able to provide sexually and emotionally. Which is kind of interesting since men are perceived as being much more "rational" and "objective," while women are perceived as being much more "emotional." But at the end of the day, women largely choose men who can provide for their security and material well being, and men choose women who can excite them with their sexuality and appearance, and perhaps by providing a nurturing and "safe" emotional environment. That combination seems like it would naturally lead to cheating! The man gets bored sexually or finds his wife less attractive as the years go by so he looks for something "strange for a change." The woman married a man who might provide ample financial well-being, but her emotional needs were never fully met right from the start. So she responds to a new guy who tells her how beautiful and special she is.

little_timmy

Well, I'm single so I can only answer the first question.

Personally, assuming the girl I was with had not done it to be spitefull, I would try to forgive her and see what happens, for the person who had been cheating with her, I'd be tempted to make sure he knew not to do it again.

10

Personally, I wouldn't tolerate it under any circumstances. If she cheats on me, she'd find her bags packed and on the porch when she got home. I would fully expect the same to apply with me. There is a huge breach of trust when someone commits infidelity in a relationship.

little_timmy

I have to admit, I would seriosly truggle to trust anyone again if they cheated on me.

pleaser

The real answer finally dawned on me. Since my huge cock has made it totally impossible for her to feel the penetration of any other man, even if she DID cheat it would be so disappointing that she would never do it again!

10

Adda boy pleaser!!! You get 'em.

Nacho_Vidal

A lot of my friends have told me they found out that their wives don't really satisfy them completely, which is why they cheat. I bet their wives feel the same way so I guess cheating is omnipresent, at small, medium or large doses.

I've personally cheated and viceversa, so it depends on how much you tolerate. Even Freud sustained the human male is NOT faithful, don't know about women.

There is an old spanish saying "A las mujeres, ni todo el amor ni todo el dinero". Is like "Give neither to a woman nor the whole love nor all the money". Online translator.

10

So, Nacho Vidal, I guess this means you're "for" cheating? As far as Freud is concerned, his contention that all men cheat is garbage. I'm one such dude who never has and never will cheat. I said it earlier and I stand by my statement, if I ever find out that any woman I'm with has been unfaithful, she'll find herself single again.

Nacho_Vidal

You got me wrong 10, I'm 29, have a girl or two, but not married so I still have plenty of time until I know when to stop. Maybe you haven't found the exact woman that just might make you do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, when you find her, you'll probably marry her, tough I think that's not the best decision to make.

Nacho_Vidal

So far, I've discovered three things:

1. Treat them well, too well, they will get bored.

2. Once they love you, you can pull the chain "A LITTLE" and they'll love you a lot MORE.

3. Know WHAT you want from life and WHEN, they all love that because most women don't know where to go to find happiness so maybe they'd like you to find it for them.

Marty5379

I am answering these questions based on my wife and I.

[/quote]Question #1 - IF you found out your partner were cheating on you what would you do?[/quote]
Cry. Ask why. Get angry. Cry some more.

[/quote] What conditions, if any, would you forgive them ...[/quote]
Of course, trust has been broken. However, love "covereth a multitude of sins." I'd forgive her and give it a second chance. Not only does my love for her hide a lot of her faults (and vise versa), but the kids are involved. IMO they deserve a mommy and daddy at home together. The idea situation is the two parent home. The kids reap the benefits. So the kids would also cause me to forgive and give it another chance.

[/quote] ... and what conditions, if any, would you leave them?[/quote]
If she did it again and/or did not break it off completely.

[/quote]Question #2 - IF you were cheating and your partner found out, what would they do? What conditions, if any, would they forgive you and what conditions, if any, would they leave you? [/quote]
I have no doubt that my wife and I share the same ideas on this matter. In fact, she would be more likely to forgive than me.

10

Nacho:

I'm divorced (not because of infidelity, just other BS) and I'm absolutely not looking for a woman at this point. I'm enjoying being a single, bachelor who's core focus right now is myself and the well being of my two kids.

To be with a woman who will make me do what she wants when she wants represents a situation based on manipulation. I refuse to give any woman that kind of power. I share Dogg's philosophy on this. If she expects to be treated like a queen, then she better be treating me like a king. Period.

sikdogg

Yowza... this is tough one for me. I used to be a hard-liner in that i felt if my trust was ever breached, then to hell with you. But in all honesty i have to agree with Pleaser and Marty on this one.

Assuming that we still had love for each other, i would find it extremely difficult to end our marriage for this one mis-giving as long as she's willing to end it and re-assure me that it won't happen again. My wife and I have an understanding that we each bear a great deal of the responsibility for the other person's well-being. If she felt the need to step outside of our marriage for sex or companionship, i would have to look at myself first to see how i had driven her to this. We have such a long history together (6 years of friendship and 15 years of marriage) and i truely adore my wife that i would have such a difficult time walking away for something that i may have contributed to.

As it turns out, I cheated on my wife during the early years of our marriage and was caught. At the time, i was finishing school and working two jobs. I was not home much at all so we didn't really communicate. We slowly drifted apart and when the opportunity was there, i took advantage of it. I thought for sure that our marriage was over as if the roles were reversed, it would have probably been. But my wife was looking at the big picture and was willing to forgive me because she wanted our kids to have both parents and as long as i made sure she felt secure in our relationship and I re-assured her that it would not happen again, she was will to give me a second chance. She also made it very clear that if it ever happened again, she would file for divorce without hesitation.

Now if this was to occur while dating or at the onset of a relatively new relationship, then all bets are off. It would be over... immediately.

Marty5379

Amen! I will not marry a cheater, but I might forgive the one I married if she cheated.

sikdogg

Damn Marty, you just summed up my half page post in that one sentence...

JonPop

Hey dogg, I've found Marty to be a man of few words, hard to talk with a mouth full of pussy.

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I've got a Tiger by the Tail

pleaser

I think this is the funniest thing I've read on this forum!

JonPop

Thanks pleaser, just a little JonPop humor.

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I've got a Tiger by the Tail

10

And to know JP is to love his humor!! Sometimes sick, sometimes twisted with just a hint of perversion in every dose!! hehe

JonPop

Perversion? Just hearing the word makes my asshole twitch. Hahaha.

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I've got a Tiger by the Tail

10

Hmmmm, should I touch this one????? Nah. LOL

Marty5379

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blu, Ahh, Uh, Un, Blah ... sorry JP, got my mouth full right now

10

We all knew that one was coming hehe

happy stud

Does getting a blowjob from another woman is that considered cheating?

10

Yes happy stud, that's also cheating.

JonPop

Question;

How many here beleive that answering a post such as "Who wants to fuck Jennifer?" with a fantasy, cyber fuck, or having fantasy sex on-line is cheating on your wife, if it never goes any further than just mind games?

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I've got a Tiger by the Tail

sikdogg

I think it goes along the line of consent. If you do things behind your spouse's back without her knowledge and/or consent, then it's probably cheating. I think the test question you would have to ask youself is this... if she found out or you told her about it, would she be OK with it?? If you think her answer would be yes, then it's not cheating.

JP,
I think that answering a post like you mentioned is not cheating unless it continues beyond the original post. If you two begin to have an online relationship where you go back and forth, then you would have to apply the test question above...

SonicCelt

dogg you got my head swimming, how do you and the misses work this swinging thing then? I wonder if maybe you don't consider that cheating, more like a night out at the bowling alley or something. I certainly am not judging you on this it just seems a little off considering your upstanding views on infidelity.

In my opinion if you cheat on your spouse it usually isn't any better just different unless of course your spouse is pretty lame in bed. If my lady for some reason cut me off from my conjugal rights I would almost feel justified in going somewhere else which is the whole jist to that scripture in Ephesians that happy stud was on about.

If she cheated on me I would probably laugh it off as I have a real big ego about my sexual capabilities, yes I know I'm arrogant but if you got it you got it.....Right?

jennifer

Okay, you guys, I am very curious how you would answer this question: If you came home one day and a strange man were kneeling in between your wife/girlfriend's legs - sucking, licking and fingering her pussy, would you consider THAT cheating? What's good for the goose is good for the gander!!

Jen

sikdogg

As i mentioned in my previous post... for us, it's all about consent. We believe that in a loving relationship, each person detmines what is acceptable behavior for the other regardless of what society believes. This means that my wife determines what i can and can't do in the context of our marriage and so is it with me with regards to her behavior. If she is OK with me having sex with her best friend, then she does not consider it cheating. The reverse is also true... For us, sex is only physical and is not love. Love is the feeling that we have for each other and the things that we do for each other when we're not having sex.

We only "play" with other people if BOTH of us feel OK with it. If for any reason, one of us has any reservation with one or both members of a couple, we will pass. We would never consider meeting a person for "play" without the other person's knowledge AND consent regardless of how many times we've met and "played" as couples before.

What really matters in the grand scheme of things is what you two (as a married couple) believe. We don't really care if other people disagree with our way of thinking, it works for us. Everyone else should come to terms with what works for them. As long as you're both happy...

The bible sees sex outside of marriage to be very bad to the point that it actually advocates marriage to avoid it. Regardless of love or... we totally disagree with this.

Nacho_Vidal

Did I get you right ?, the term "swingers" fit ?

Personally I've cheated but I'm not married, that is a whole different story.

Situation: You are watching TV while your wife is having, as you put it, "plain simple sex" with some other guy.

Question 1: How does that feel?

sikdogg

It doesn't work that way for us... we typically meet with other couples only. It is very rare when we actually bring in a third person, but in either case we both play together or not at all.

Succubus

Well if you caught your women getting her beaver being rammed from some guy, would you consider that cheating? To me cheating is anything you know your spouse would not approve of.

Any sex talk to another women,wheteher it be on the phone ,in person or on the net. If Andrew would have replied back sexually to who wants to fuk jen,I would have felt that to be cheating.

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Lisa

Succubus

I have been the cheated and the cheater. So I'd have to say k--- both of them.

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Lisa