Female Perspective on Relationships

jennifer · 06-11-2006, 07:09 PM

This is a thread that is to be devoted to relationship issues. If you have a question, problem, concern or comment about anything regarding relationships, and want a female perspective, please write it here.

If you are shy or embarrassed about your issue, please PM me and I will post it for you. Thanks!

Überschwanz · 06-11-2006, 07:31 PM

This thread is worthy of a sticky I think. This is one of the reasons we have a women's forum.

want8 · 06-12-2006, 02:57 PM

I agree Uber. Great idea Jen!

southern belle · 06-13-2006, 07:58 PM

Since I do not know most of y'all, I was curious to find out something about each of you. If you were single and were dating a woman you really liked, how many weeks or months would you date her until she had sex with you? If you really liked her a lot but she wouldn't have sex with you, would you break up with her or this issue?

sikdogg · 06-13-2006, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southern belle

... If you were single and were dating a woman you really liked, how many weeks or months would you date her until she had sex with you?

Two dates... if she's not willing to have sex after the second date, then it's time to move on.

Quote:

If you really liked her a lot but she wouldn't have sex with you, would you break up with her or this issue?

Yes, most definietely... i wouldn't be looking for a virgin nor would i want one so if she's willing to have sex with another man but not me, then she's not the right woman for me or i'm not the right man for her.

rocky6535 · 06-13-2006, 10:09 PM

There goes a man who knows what he wants.

Betterman · 06-14-2006, 01:44 AM

The way I see it. If you enjoy her company. Have fun when your together. Seems as if you both are connecting in all other ways, except on the sex issue. Just don't call it a "Date". Go have a good time with your new friend.

Side Note: Great Idea Jennifer!

slickwillie · 06-14-2006, 12:58 PM

I thought only gay guys had "girl-friends"? :)
I'm not sure I could put a time or number of dates before a new girlfriend and I would wait before having sex, but there's no reason (in my mind) to play games or delay the obvious, right? Sex rules! I'll never forget something my wife said to me shortly after we first me (didn't last a week before having sex). We were in bed at my place just messing around in bed and she was getting very hot and horny and I was being the "gentleman" and not pushing the sex thing at all. She turns and looks me in the eyes and says (and I quote) "Fuck the bullshit", which pretty much meant lets screw the shit out of each other and leave all the games behind us. Needless to say, almost 8 years later we've got an awesome relationship and still "Fuck the bullshit" just about everyday! :)
Anyway, thought I'd share that quote with everyone because we still use it from time-to-time and it's funny as hell (to us at least). To answer the questions, I wouldn't have waited too long (regardless of how hot a woman was) and I may not stop seeing a woman/girlfriend, but I'd let her know up front that I'll be having sex with other women. If she doesn't understand, then we're not right for each other (I hope that doesn't sound crude or something, but there's a million people out there and I'm not interested in the women that don't like to bone)... The same applies to the guys (I guess) because some ladies just want a piece of ass to get them through a rough time or just because it's been a while, so it's definitely a 2 way street!

want8 · 06-14-2006, 02:16 PM

If I really like a girl because of personality or sense of humor or looks or whatever, then yes, I wouldn't push the sex issue. But that's not to say I wouldn't get a peace of ass somewhere else, just to satisfy needs. And like dogg, I would probably try after 2 dates, but if she wasn't ready, I wouldn't push her, I would just get it somewhere else.

10 · 06-14-2006, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southern belle

Since I do not know most of y'all, I was curious to find out something about each of you. If you were single and were dating a woman you really liked, how many weeks or months would you date her until she had sex with you? If you really liked her a lot but she wouldn't have sex with you, would you break up with her or this issue?

I can answer this as I'm single (divorced actually). This is actually very easy, I would have sex with her as soon as she was ready. Chances are, the type of woman I'm looking for wouldn't be willing to drop her thong on the first date. This being said, if I really, REALLY liked her and felt there was something there, I'd give it some time. I might even be inclined to hold off and wait until she initiates.........that's a huge turn on for me.

As to the second part of your question Belle, when you mean she wouldn't have sex with you, are you talking about at the onset of the relationship or just period? I can't see how any guy would date a woman he really, really liked and would continue to do so if she wasn't willing ever to get down and dirty with him. At the onset I can certainly see as you're both still feeling each other out but after a respectable amount of time, I would almost expect sex to start becoming part of the equation.

If the woman I was dating was as much into me as I was into her, it wouldn't make sense for her to NOT want to have sex. Would I break it off? Only if she simply refused to do it with me..........why date her?

10 · 06-14-2006, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickwillie

I thought only gay guys had "girl-friends"? :)
I'm not sure I could put a time or number of dates before a new girlfriend and I would wait before having sex, but there's no reason (in my mind) to play games or delay the obvious, right? Sex rules! I'll never forget something my wife said to me shortly after we first me (didn't last a week before having sex). We were in bed at my place just messing around in bed and she was getting very hot and horny and I was being the "gentleman" and not pushing the sex thing at all. She turns and looks me in the eyes and says (and I quote) "Fuck the bullshit", which pretty much meant lets screw the shit out of each other and leave all the games behind us. Needless to say, almost 8 years later we've got an awesome relationship and still "Fuck the bullshit" just about everyday! :)
Anyway, thought I'd share that quote with everyone because we still use it from time-to-time and it's funny as hell (to us at least). To answer the questions, I wouldn't have waited too long (regardless of how hot a woman was) and I may not stop seeing a woman/girlfriend, but I'd let her know up front that I'll be having sex with other women. If she doesn't understand, then we're not right for each other (I hope that doesn't sound crude or something, but there's a million people out there and I'm not interested in the women that don't like to bone)... The same applies to the guys (I guess) because some ladies just want a piece of ass to get them through a rough time or just because it's been a while, so it's definitely a 2 way street!

Man, that's the kind of woman I need!

Überschwanz · 06-14-2006, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

I can answer this as I'm single (divorced actually). This is actually very easy, I would have sex with her as soon as she was ready. Chances are, the type of woman I'm looking for wouldn't be willing to drop her thong on the first date. This being said, if I really, REALLY liked her and felt there was something there, I'd give it some time. I might even be inclined to hold off and wait until she initiates.........that's a huge turn on for me.

As to the second part of your question Belle, when you mean she wouldn't have sex with you, are you talking about at the onset of the relationship or just period? I can't see how any guy would date a woman he really, really liked and would continue to do so if she wasn't willing ever to get down and dirty with him. At the onset I can certainly see as you're both still feeling each other out but after a respectable amount of time, I would almost expect sex to start becoming part of the equation.

If the woman I was dating was as much into me as I was into her, it wouldn't make sense for her to NOT want to have sex. Would I break it off? Only if she simply refused to do it with me..........why date her?

Ditto to what 10 said.

JonPop · 06-14-2006, 04:55 PM

Dang. All ya horny youngin's. Aint ya never heard of savin' y'self for marriage? Gheeesh.

sikdogg · 06-14-2006, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Dang. All ya horny youngin's. Aint ya never heard of savin' y'self for marriage? Gheeesh.

If i wasn't married today (for whatever reason) and began dating again... i would have no intentions of ever getting married again. I have nothing against marriage and am dearly in love with my wife but if i ever became single again, i don't think i have it in ne to marry again. I would keep my life as simple as possible (guy friends to hang out with and girlfriends to have sex with). Marriage would only complicate things...

happy stud · 06-15-2006, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickwillie

She turns and looks me in the eyes and says (and I quote) "Fuck the bullshit", which pretty much meant lets screw the shit out of each other and leave all the games behind us.

Hey man are you married to Jennifer?

Betterman · 06-15-2006, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickwillie

I thought only gay guys had "girl-friends"? :)

Well I'm not Gay. I also have lots of girlfriends. Also, my girlfriends and I don't Fuck either. You may want to try it. Sometimes you gotta think of more than just the "One" thing.

It sure is fun to flirt though. Keeps you feeling young. It also allows you to test different methods. Just to see if you still have it or not.

JonPop · 06-15-2006, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Betterman

Well I'm not Gay. I also have lots of girlfriends. Also, my girlfriends and I don't Fuck either. You may want to try it. Sometimes you gotta think of more than just the "One" thing.

I've had lot's of girlfriends that I never fucked. Of course the friendship only lasted a week or so. Hee.

Betterman · 06-15-2006, 02:26 AM

If any of you get a chance. Try to read Dale Carnegie's - How to win friends and influence people. It's really informative. I got a softback copy off E-Bay for 3 bucks. Then got the Audiobook. It explains how everyday interaction all pivots on the human emotions.

southern belle · 06-15-2006, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

Two dates... if she's not willing to have sex after the second date, then it's time to move on.

Yes, most definietely... i wouldn't be looking for a virgin nor would i want one so if she's willing to have sex with another man but not me, then she's not the right woman for me or i'm not the right man for her.

Wow! 2 dates and you would move on? Are you and happy stud related? Y'all are more interested in a sexual relationship than anything else. Would that be correct? What if you really, really liked her a lot? Enough to one day marry. Still only two dates?

southern belle · 06-15-2006, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Betterman

The way I see it. If you enjoy her company. Have fun when your together. Seems as if you both are connecting in all other ways, except on the sex issue. Just don't call it a "Date". Go have a good time with your new friend.

Side Note: Great Idea Jennifer!

So you wouldn't push the sex issue, Betterman? Suppose you dated her for 6 months and still no sex. Would that still be all right with you?

southern belle · 06-15-2006, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickwillie

I thought only gay guys had "girl-friends"? :)
I'm not sure I could put a time or number of dates before a new girlfriend and I would wait before having sex, but there's no reason (in my mind) to play games or delay the obvious, right? Sex rules! I'll never forget something my wife said to me shortly after we first me (didn't last a week before having sex). We were in bed at my place just messing around in bed and she was getting very hot and horny and I was being the "gentleman" and not pushing the sex thing at all. She turns and looks me in the eyes and says (and I quote) "Fuck the bullshit", which pretty much meant lets screw the shit out of each other and leave all the games behind us. Needless to say, almost 8 years later we've got an awesome relationship and still "Fuck the bullshit" just about everyday! :)
Anyway, thought I'd share that quote with everyone because we still use it from time-to-time and it's funny as hell (to us at least). To answer the questions, I wouldn't have waited too long (regardless of how hot a woman was) and I may not stop seeing a woman/girlfriend, but I'd let her know up front that I'll be having sex with other women. If she doesn't understand, then we're not right for each other (I hope that doesn't sound crude or something, but there's a million people out there and I'm not interested in the women that don't like to bone)... The same applies to the guys (I guess) because some ladies just want a piece of ass to get them through a rough time or just because it's been a while, so it's definitely a 2 way street!

So, slickwillie, let's say you dated a woman who you really, really liked quite a lot. However, she only desired sex once a week but you wanted it every night. Would you cheat on her to get the additional sex? Or, would you tell her if she doesn't put out more you will find it someplace else?

Betterman · 06-15-2006, 03:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southern belle

So you wouldn't push the sex issue, Betterman? Suppose you dated her for 6 months and still no sex. Would that still be all right with you?

If we were spending that much time together. I would imagine it would grow intimate eventually. That is, if she had the same attraction to me as I did for her. If it was plutonic from one side. Then I would say someone's going to Act the Fool. Well before 6 months.

southern belle · 06-15-2006, 03:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

I can answer this as I'm single (divorced actually). This is actually very easy, I would have sex with her as soon as she was ready. Chances are, the type of woman I'm looking for wouldn't be willing to drop her thong on the first date. This being said, if I really, REALLY liked her and felt there was something there, I'd give it some time. I might even be inclined to hold off and wait until she initiates.........that's a huge turn on for me.

As to the second part of your question Belle, when you mean she wouldn't have sex with you, are you talking about at the onset of the relationship or just period? I can't see how any guy would date a woman he really, really liked and would continue to do so if she wasn't willing ever to get down and dirty with him. At the onset I can certainly see as you're both still feeling each other out but after a respectable amount of time, I would almost expect sex to start becoming part of the equation.

If the woman I was dating was as much into me as I was into her, it wouldn't make sense for her to NOT want to have sex. Would I break it off? Only if she simply refused to do it with me..........why date her?

That's nice to know, 10. So, with you, sex isn't the only thing you are after in a relationship, right?

southern belle · 06-15-2006, 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Dang. All ya horny youngin's. Aint ya never heard of savin' y'self for marriage? Gheeesh.

Yes, you tell them JonPop! (Not that I think any of them will listen!)

southern belle · 06-15-2006, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

I've had lot's of girlfriends that I never fucked. Of course the friendship only lasted a week or so. Hee.

Is this the time to remind you of what you wrote in #13? (Are you related to happy stud, too?)

slickwillie · 06-15-2006, 04:30 AM

Thanks 10! If she had a sister, I'd try and hook you up!

No stud, not married to Jennifer but she rocks and her and my wife would get along great...

Betterman, I'm just messin with you about the gay thing. I've got some girlfriends myself and who knows, maybe someday we'll bone, but until then it makes for one hell of a party at the house!

SB, if I dated a woman that I truly loved (not liked because getting laid once a week could be dangerous for me

), I would stay with her and probably just beat off to "balance the load", if you know what I mean... I'm not into cheating because I can't stand liars and that's pretty much what someone who cheats on their spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever is. When I was in my early teens, I had a girlfriend who I cheated on with oh, let's say about 15 other girls (some of her friends too) and I've hated myself ever since. It was awesome at the time and had some great, sneaky sex, but I spoke to her a few years after that and cleared my conscience.

Damn did this thread get some immediate attention! Good stuff...

Überschwanz · 06-15-2006, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southern belle

Wow! 2 dates and you would move on? Are you and happy stud related? Y'all are more interested in a sexual relationship than anything else. Would that be correct? What if you really, really liked her a lot? Enough to one day marry. Still only two dates?

Well not entirely. I think it's a case-by-case kind of thing.

ArtemisEntreri · 06-15-2006, 07:58 AM

I have an issue in my relationship I need help on.

My girlfriend is a great gal and we have some kind of connection most relationships I see don't have. But, she has a major hang up and has pulled away from me somewhat. Tonight I finally decided to discuss it with her. She is constantly wondering if their is someone better out there or someone more "right for her". She says she is happy with everything in our relationship except for this. Of course these are normal rational thoughts for any human being to have. But it is a major issue for her. And she often drifts to the verge of seeming like she wants to end the relationship just because of this.

The problem was compounded yesterday. It was her birthday and she woke up to find a package on her porch from an ex who lives about 5 hours away in Indiana. This brought all this things to the forefront even more than they already were. She dated the guy when she was 16 and now she is 22. But its like a year and a half of our relationship meant nothing next to this one little gesture. She said she was all confused and wondering if she is with the right person, but insisting she is happy. I just don't know what to think.

A lot of the things she told me during our conversation/arguement hurt me very badly. She says she has never had anyone treat her like I do, but everytime something like this comes up, all that goes at the window. What do I do? I feel rather like I am not being respected and receiving the appreciation a good relationship deserves. But for this one bad thing there are a million good things. Yet she often seems like she can't see them. Any thoughts?

jennifer · 06-15-2006, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

if i ever became single again, i don't think i have it in ne to marry again.

What a shame! Mrs. Jennifer Sikdogg was starting to sound so appealing!

jennifer · 06-15-2006, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtemisEntreri

I have an issue in my relationship I need help on.

My girlfriend is a great gal and we have some kind of connection most relationships I see don't have. But, she has a major hang up and has pulled away from me somewhat. Tonight I finally decided to discuss it with her. She is constantly wondering if their is someone better out there or someone more "right for her". She says she is happy with everything in our relationship except for this. Of course these are normal rational thoughts for any human being to have. But it is a major issue for her. And she often drifts to the verge of seeming like she wants to end the relationship just because of this.

The problem was compounded yesterday. It was her birthday and she woke up to find a package on her porch from an ex who lives about 5 hours away in Indiana. This brought all this things to the forefront even more than they already were. She dated the guy when she was 16 and now she is 22. But its like a year and a half of our relationship meant nothing next to this one little gesture. She said she was all confused and wondering if she is with the right person, but insisting she is happy. I just don't know what to think.

A lot of the things she told me during our conversation/arguement hurt me very badly. She says she has never had anyone treat her like I do, but everytime something like this comes up, all that goes at the window. What do I do? I feel rather like I am not being respected and receiving the appreciation a good relationship deserves. But for this one bad thing there are a million good things. Yet she often seems like she can't see them. Any thoughts?

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Artemis, but it sounds like your girlfriend may not be completely over her ex. It sounds like she is torn between you and him. I would imagine that she is not trying to disrespect you, but that she is just terribly confused right now. Your best bet is to give her some space to sort things out. Or, at the risk of losing her, give her an ultimatum - either you or the ex.

want8 · 06-15-2006, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtemisEntreri

I have an issue in my relationship I need help on.

My girlfriend is a great gal and we have some kind of connection most relationships I see don't have. But, she has a major hang up and has pulled away from me somewhat. Tonight I finally decided to discuss it with her. She is constantly wondering if their is someone better out there or someone more "right for her". She says she is happy with everything in our relationship except for this. Of course these are normal rational thoughts for any human being to have. But it is a major issue for her. And she often drifts to the verge of seeming like she wants to end the relationship just because of this.

The problem was compounded yesterday. It was her birthday and she woke up to find a package on her porch from an ex who lives about 5 hours away in Indiana. This brought all this things to the forefront even more than they already were. She dated the guy when she was 16 and now she is 22. But its like a year and a half of our relationship meant nothing next to this one little gesture. She said she was all confused and wondering if she is with the right person, but insisting she is happy. I just don't know what to think.

A lot of the things she told me during our conversation/arguement hurt me very badly. She says she has never had anyone treat her like I do, but everytime something like this comes up, all that goes at the window. What do I do? I feel rather like I am not being respected and receiving the appreciation a good relationship deserves. But for this one bad thing there are a million good things. Yet she often seems like she can't see them. Any thoughts?

Well, like Jennifer, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this girl really loved you then there would be no other person in the equation. If she is telling you directly that she is wondering if she is with the right person or wondering if there is someone else out there better for her, then tell her to hit the road! She is certainly not giving you the respect you deserve. I would bring up the conversation again and when she says I am just not sure you are the right person for me, look her in the eyes and say "I know you are not the right person for me"!!! And move on!

Überschwanz · 06-15-2006, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by want8

Well, like Jennifer, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this girl really loved you then there would be no other person in the equation.

This is exactly what I was going to say. The seed of doubt is already in her mind. Try not to be confrontational. Let her work it out and if she doesn't choose to be with you, then it was never meant to be. Better that this should happen now than after 5 or 10 years of marriage.

sikdogg · 06-15-2006, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southern belle

Wow! 2 dates and you would move on?

Yup it's the standard that i've set for myself in the past and would continue to use... after two dates, regardless of how hot she is i seriously doubt that i would have built any meaningful connection with her so walking away is easy.

Quote:

Are you and happy stud related? Y'all are more interested in a sexual relationship than anything else. Would that be correct?

I feel that most relationships start out as sexual one... It starts from a physical attraction which is purely sexual in nature. Guys don't look at hot women and think "Hmm... i wonder if she's a great conversationalist?". No, we think how we can get her to take off her clothes and mount us... The connection and mental relationship begins after a couple gets past the physical.

Quote:

What if you really, really liked her a lot? Enough to one day marry. Still only two dates?

Yup, because regardless of how much i'm attracted to someone, i would dislike the frustration of no sex even more... and as i mentioned, i don't think i would ever re-marry. Why buy the cow when the milk is free??

sikdogg · 06-15-2006, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Artemis, but it sounds like your girlfriend may not be completely over her ex. It sounds like she is torn between you and him. I would imagine that she is not trying to disrespect you, but that she is just terribly confused right now. Your best bet is to give her some space to sort things out. Or, at the risk of losing her, give her an ultimatum - either you or the ex.

Totally agree... in fact i think that the relationship is doomed. She is still very young and doesn't seem to know what she really wants or worse, doesn't know how to tell you that she wants someone else. I think that this is the classic "let her go and see if she comes back" situation... That's how i would handle it.

sikdogg · 06-15-2006, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

What a shame! Mrs. Jennifer Sikdogg was starting to sound so appealing!

Next time you come over, we can play Mr and Mrs Sikdogg and see how it works... i may just make you the exception to my rule of no re-marrying.