"Free" Trip?

jennifer · 07-08-2006, 01:42 PM

I have two people (one man and one woman) at my work who “kind of” like each other. Both are in their late 20’s and both are very attractive. They each have the same title, so there is no subordinate/superior relationship here. They each are casually seeing someone else, although nothing serious. So, because they are still involved with someone else, they have never been out on a date with one another. However, they have been out to lunch numerous occasions. Also, they really seem to get along very, very well and enjoy each other’s company very much.

Now, here is the question. The guy wants to invite the woman on an all-expense paid cruise next month. The woman feels that if she accepts the offer, the guy would implicitly expect her to have sex with him.

I just wanted to get feedback from you guys. If you were this guy, would you expect her to have sex with you? If she politely, but firmly, told him if she goes on the cruise they would not have sex, would you rescind your invitation? They both work under me and I like them both personally and professionally and just don't want to see this get awkward. Thanks for your input!

10 · 07-08-2006, 03:42 PM

Hey, let's face it, we're men. Not one of us is going to invite a hot, attractive woman on an all expense paid cruise and not expect to be given some nookie during the voyage. Hell, even as polite and gentlemanly as I am, I'd expect a little "output" from her if I were him.

If she's genuinely concerned about this, she has two choices. She can either be direct with him and tell him she'll go but she's not willing to engage in any sexual activity with him OR she can simply decline if she doesn't want to place herself in what could become an extremely awkward position. I think it's best to lay out your expectations over something like this BEFORE the event takes place. This way, neither party can say they weren't "told" what the expectation factor was.

And, if he takes back the offer, then obviously she'll know that sex would have been part of the deal had she accepted.

JonPop · 07-08-2006, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jen

They each are casually seeing someone else, although nothing serious. So, because they are still involved with someone else, they have never been out on a date with one another. However, they have been out to lunch numerous occasions. Also, they really seem to get along very, very well and enjoy each other’s company very much.

So they both confide in you? This sounds like a very mutual attraction.

Quote:

Now, here is the question. The guy wants to invite the woman on an all-expense paid cruise next month. The woman feels that if she accepts the offer, the guy would implicitly expect her to have sex with him.

Now this is interesting. You say they are each seeing someone else? What would this do to the relationship with the other person(s) if they go off on a cruise together? Just because she feels that his ultimate goal for inviting her on an all expense paid cruise is to have sex with her, she could be wrong. As you stated, he seems to enjoy her company and that might be all he is looking for.

Quote:

I just wanted to get feedback from you guys. If you were this guy, would you expect her to have sex with you? If she politely, but firmly, told him if she goes on the cruise they would not have sex, would you rescind your invitation? They both work under me and I like them both personally and professionally and just don't want to see this get awkward. Thanks for your input!

If she politely, but firmly, told him if she goes on the cruise they would not have sex, then being told up front, the guy should respect this. If his motives were hopeful that sex would be an outcome of the trip, this might be disappointing but he might, truly, just want her company and is very interested in developing a further relationship.

sikdogg · 07-08-2006, 05:40 PM

If she was upfront from day one and we get along very well then i probably wouldn't recind the offer... I would think that during the course of the trip, she would develop a strong bond with me that although she doesn't plan on having sex, it is still very likely to happen. If in fact she holds out for the duration of the trip, then that would tell me to move on or at the very least assume that this relationship is not going to go any further than where it is at that point. I will continue to be good friends with her but would no longer persue her.

tarbabee · 07-08-2006, 10:01 PM

I am probably very old fashioned in my beliefs but I don't think that two people who work together, even as peers, should put themselves in that kind of a situation. Firends are ok but an all expenses paid trip together? Such a situation can appear to many people as inappropriate.

It doesn't matter if they actually do anything just the appearance of inappropriate behavior can be disasterous in this day and age and can cause them both to lose their jobs, or worse.

As such, I would not put myself in such a situation. The man should not invite a female co-worker to an all expenses paid trip, irregardless of whether sex is implied or not.

Just my 2 cents

happy stud · 07-08-2006, 10:29 PM

No pussy no trip. Hell actually no pussy before the trip no trip.

JonPop · 07-09-2006, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

No pussy no trip. Hell actually no pussy before the trip no trip.

Hey Studly. What's your standard line? "Hey, I drink Budweiser, wanna fuck?" hee.

10 · 07-09-2006, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Hey Studly. What's your standard line? "Hey, I drink Budweiser, wanna fuck?" hee.

I'm thinkin' that's a "yes"!!

jennifer · 07-09-2006, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

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So they both confide in you? This sounds like a very mutual attraction.

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Now this is interesting. You say they are each seeing someone else? What would this do to the relationship with the other person(s) if they go off on a cruise together? Just because she feels that his ultimate goal for inviting her on an all expense paid cruise is to have sex with her, she could be wrong. As you stated, he seems to enjoy her company and that might be all he is looking for.

If she politely, but firmly, told him if she goes on the cruise they would not have sex, then being told up front, the guy should respect this. If his motives were hopeful that sex would be an outcome of the trip, this might be disappointing but he might, truly, just want her company and is very interested in developing a further relationship.

I think in this instance casual dating is two people who are going out together until they find someone else they like more. I know, that's sad but that is the way some people are.

I know all of the people in my department very well. I think the more you know about them, the more you know about all of their strengths and weaknesses. This helps you maximize their productivity.

I like both of these two people and don't want either one of them to think I am choosing sides with the other. It is strictly their business, but if things don't go well and it spills over in the workplace, then it becomes my business. I hope this helps.

10 · 07-09-2006, 03:30 PM

I would say that if things didn't go well and they brought this into the corporate world, THAT would present a HUGE problem.

Perhaps it's best if she declines the invite and avoids the situation all together.

sikdogg · 07-09-2006, 04:10 PM

I think Jen is doinng the right thing... by knowing about this relationship, she can counsel them to keep things in perspective and immediately take action if it begins to affect their conduct at work. It protects the guy (and possibly the girl) from any sexual harassment claims down the road, and the company as she can claim that she knew about it and was counseling them against it. If their relationship spills over in the workplace and gets ugly, she has easy justification to terminate one or both for their actions.

happy stud · 07-09-2006, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Hey Studly. What's your standard line? "Hey, I drink Budweiser, wanna fuck?" hee.

Naw its Im a moderator at Bettermans wanna fuck?

JonPop · 07-09-2006, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

Naw its Im a moderator at Bettermans wanna fuck?

Hey man, just think of how much more pussy y'all could get if I made you a "Super Moderator". Wow, y'all would have to share with 10.

happy stud · 07-10-2006, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Hey man, just think of how much more pussy y'all could get if I made you a "Super Moderator". Wow, y'all would have to share with 10.

Hey JonPop 10 could never handle this southern pussy man. He would have a stroke trying to fuck these women. I guess its the humidity that causes there pussies to be drum tight. Naw man better keep him on that loose California pussy.

JonPop · 07-11-2006, 12:19 AM

Naw man, it's all those damn gnats and mosquitos that keep Southern pussy snapped tight shut, like a bulls ass in fly time.

10 · 07-11-2006, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

Hey JonPop 10 could never handle this southern pussy man. He would have a stroke trying to fuck these women. I guess its the humidity that causes there pussies to be drum tight. Naw man better keep him on that loose California pussy.

Hey, the tighter the better........

want8 · 07-11-2006, 01:39 PM

Jen, you said they really liked each other a lot. If that is the case then she shouldn't be concerning herself with something she doesn't even know. And if she does really like him, she should go on the trip and just see what happens. I mean, is she a virgin? What is the big deal with her and having sex?

Betterman · 07-15-2006, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

I have two people (one man and one woman) at my work who “kind of” like each other. Both are in their late 20’s and both are very attractive. They each have the same title, so there is no subordinate/superior relationship here. They each are casually seeing someone else, although nothing serious. So, because they are still involved with someone else, they have never been out on a date with one another. However, they have been out to lunch numerous occasions. Also, they really seem to get along very, very well and enjoy each other’s company very much.

Now, here is the question. The guy wants to invite the woman on an all-expense paid cruise next month. The woman feels that if she accepts the offer, the guy would implicitly expect her to have sex with him.

I just wanted to get feedback from you guys. If you were this guy, would you expect her to have sex with you? If she politely, but firmly, told him if she goes on the cruise they would not have sex, would you rescind your invitation? They both work under me and I like them both personally and professionally and just don't want to see this get awkward. Thanks for your input!

To rescind your invitation would be shallow. Although, it would let the woman know what kind of guy you are. If I was in his place and the offer was already given. I would go ahead with the plans made. Put on the ol' thinking cap. Then think of ways to make it the best damn cruise ever. Who knows you may just Woo her into changing her mind after she is having the time of her life. Spontaneity is always best for an event like that.

jennifer · 07-15-2006, 02:02 PM

I would like to thank everyone for your comments. The woman has not said yes but she has not said no either. I think the guy has the same strategy that some of you suggested. I think he feels if she will at least go on the cruise, he will be able to get her to eventually have sex.

10 · 07-15-2006, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

I would like to thank everyone for your comments. The woman has not said yes but she has not said no either. I think the guy has the same strategy that some of you suggested. I think he feels if she will at least go on the cruise, he will be able to get her to eventually have sex.

Then, in all fairness, since she hasn't given a definite "yes" or "no" answer, she's obviously thought about the sex factor and is already taking these very thoughts into consideration.

Betterman · 07-16-2006, 12:09 AM

For any coordinators/management people out there> I would suggest giving Dale Carnegie's - How to win friends and influence people - also - the leader in you. He talks about Human emotions and how few people understand them. For an example: What creates an arguement. Who wins?

Betterman · 07-16-2006, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

I think Jen is doinng the right thing... by knowing about this relationship, she can counsel them to keep things in perspective and immediately take action if it begins to affect their conduct at work. It protects the guy (and possibly the girl) from any sexual harassment claims down the road, and the company as she can claim that she knew about it and was counseling them against it. If their relationship spills over in the workplace and gets ugly, she has easy justification to terminate one or both for their actions.

Actually, if Jen is in a supervisory position and knows of the situation. If any issues arise, she would probably be pulled into the mix. If your a supervisor or equivelent - nip it in the bud one on one. Let each one know what is tolerated. Just to save your own ass.

Most company policies will include acts of intimacy or becoming intimate. At least they should. Otherwise they'll be a whole lot of litigation in the future. People will play on it.

GRX · 08-11-2006, 01:20 AM

What's the company policy on workplace romances? What about couples / spouses working for the same company?