Ribald Bible stories. - Page 3

JonPop · 09-14-2007, 08:11 PM

The King stood and said to Sir Bret, "I shall have my lovely daughter show you to your quarters," and added, "Where is your squire to help you remove your armor, sir knight?"
"Your majesty, I left my squire at the camp of King Arthur, so that I might travel swiftly to the Kingdom of ThundersPlace to bring to your highness, the question from my King."
"Very well said King Thunder, I shall send someone to tend to your needs." The Kings daughter fairly ran down the steps to lead Sir Bret to his room.

The wearing of 60 pounds of armor made walking slow and difficult and the impatience of the Kings daughter was evident.
No sooner had they entered the room, then the Princess started pulling on the straps and clasps holding the armor together.

Sir Bret was astounded at the fury that she was showing, trying to get the armor from his body. He stepped back and grabbed her small hands and said, "Wait my Princess, your father said he would send someone to do this." She said in frustration, "I am unable to wait, oh brave and handsome knight, I must see what hides beneath this suit of metal."
Sir Bret said, "And what are you called lovely Princess?" She said, "My name is Jennifer Thunder and there is lightning waiting for you between my legs."
Sir Bret was taken aback at this and stammered, "You are a Princess, the Kings daughter, I fear if I take advantage of you, your father will have me beheaded."
"Not to worry, brave Knight," said Princess Jennifer, "My father knows of my insatiable appetite for handsome Knights and has given me his blessing to satisfy my lust."
At that moment, a squire sent by the King appeared and proceeded to expertly remove the armor from Sir Bret.

10 · 09-14-2007, 09:59 PM

Oh yeah.............this is gettin' good!!

JonPop · 09-14-2007, 10:51 PM

The squire was marveling at some of the clever fastenings on the armor. He said, "Sir Knight, I have never seen these before, pray tell, from whence did these come?" Sir Bret answered, "These, my fine squire, were made by the finest magician in the land and a true friend and servant to King Arthur, Sir Merlin."
"I am amazed by these fastenings Sir Knight, when I become a Knight, I want my armor to be made like yours."
Sir Bret chuckled and said, "If every Knight had armor as fine as this, how then would we defeat our enemy?" And laughed uproariously.

When the squire had finished neatly piling the armor and once more fondled the clasps, he bowed low and left the room. Sir Bret was wearing only tights and a linen tunic and the bulge in his crotch was very pronounced. This didn't escape the notice of Princess Jennifer as she was quick to grab Sir Bret's bulge and say in amazement, "You are hung like a horse my handsome Knight. I shall expect much pleasure between my loins before this night is over." Sir Bret answered, "I shall try and live up to your expections horny Princess." And again, laughed uproariously.

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 12:07 AM

As the squire was leaving, Princess Jennifer had instructed him to tell her hand maidens to prepare a bath for the distinguished Knight and anoint the water with fine scented oils.
Sir Bret was reclining on the bed and admiring this very lovely woman as she was removing some of the outer layers of silks.
She lay beside him and started kissing with long, wet, hot kisses to the face and lips of Sir Bret.
There came a cry, and an alarm was sounded by many voices, that the spammers were at the gates. Sir Bret stepped into the hall and saw many men in battle gear running to engage the enemy. He hurried to put on his armor, using the quick clasps and fastenings devised by Sir Merlin and started for the door. Princess Jennifer was protesting loudly that he couldn't leave her now, that she would die from frustration and what if he got himself killed and on and on. Sir Bret turned a deaf ear to her pleadings and hurried to join the battle. (You didn't think I was going to make it easy for you, did ya Bret?)

The King was delighted to see Sir Bret and thanked him for his help. His horse was waiting in the courtyard and whinnied in recognition of his Knight.
The young lad helped Sir Bret, mount while he affixed his helmet, dropped his visor and hurriedly rode out of the gate and across the draw bridge to join the fray.
He caught one spammer while he was still trying to download and thrust him through with his lance. Another, was the recipient of his mighty broad sword. The spammer hoard soon realized that they were facing a Moderator Knight from the kingdom of BetterMan and beat a hasty retreat. Many spammers lay dead and wounded across the field, their melting laptops strewn everywhere.
The Princess Jennifer was watching the battle from her window and felt the wetness running down her legs as she observed the brave Sir Bret, armor flashing brilliantly in the sun. His mighty arms wielding the broad sword with deft precision against the heathen spammers, banning and slashing with abandon. His beautiful black mount rearing with the excitement of battle.
When all had quieted and Sir Bret managed to slow his heart and flip up his visor, he surveyed the scene. He thought, "we must be very close to the nest of the spammers."
As there were many more in this group than usually attacked the kingdom of BetterMan. His Majesty King Arthur would welcome the news that their quest might soon be over.
He returned to the courtyard, dismounted and handed his steed to the same young lad that had been caring for him. The King met him with an open embrace and promised him that, "Anything in my Kingdom is yours for the asking." Sir Bret thought to himself, "I want to fuck your daughters brains out." But didn't voice the thought.

10 · 09-15-2007, 12:43 AM

Lovin' it........

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Lovin' it........

So, you're thinkin that ol' Sir Brett is gonna get fucked, eh? I just might have a surprise ending to this one. Stay tuned.

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 01:46 AM

Did you like this touch? "Many spammers lay dead and wounded across the field, their laptops strewn everywhere." Hee.

10 · 09-15-2007, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Did you like this touch? "Many spammers lay dead and wounded across the field, their laptops strewn everywhere." Hee.

Yes I did and what's this shit about me not getting laid?

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 04:22 AM

Well, how about if princess Jennifer turns out to be a transvestite? Wouldn't that turn out to be a surprise? Just messin with ya Bret. Hee.

italiananglo69 · 09-15-2007, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Yes I did and what's this shit about me not getting laid?

sorry Sir Bret no fornication without the kings consent

10 · 09-15-2007, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Well, how about if princess Jennifer turns out to be a transvestite? Wouldn't that turn out to be a surprise? Just messin with ya Bret. Hee.

Eeeeeewwwwww.

happy stud · 09-15-2007, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Well, how about if princess Jennifer turns out to be a transvestite?

Then maybe her name should be Kennifer.

10 · 09-15-2007, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

Then maybe her name should be Kennifer.

Ooooh, good one. Although I don't want any damn transvestitie's in my story JP. Or any sexually "confused" people...........

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 03:17 PM

Naw, don't worry buddy. I wouldn't do that to you.
I WILL try my best to finish the last couple of chapters today or first thing tomorrow as I have a ton of things to do over the weekend. Hang in there Sir Bret, you will get your just rewards.

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 09:28 PM

The King ordered his servants and staff to prepare a huge feast in honor of the victory over the spammers.
Princess Jennifer was to the left of the King with Sir Bret to her left.
The mighty hall was full of the kings own knights and dignitaries and the long table was set for a, well, for a King. There was fried spam, baked spam, BBQ'd spam, every way that spam could be prepared, it was there.
As Sir Bret wore his dick down his right leg, it was a tempting plaything for the Princess and she couldn't keep her hand from fondling and caressing his shaft beneath the table.
Sir Bret hated spam and was doing his best to choke down a few bites and Princess Jennifer playing with his dick, was not helping matters. He was so erected, it felt like his tights were going to split and he could feel drops of wetness at the end of his dick and he was becoming uncomfortably hot. He looked at the Princess and she was flushed and glistening with a film of perspiration on her forehead and a silly grin on her beautiful face.
Finally, when Sir Bret could stand no more, he arose and turned to the King and said, "Your highness, I beg to be excused from your fine feast and divine presence, but I have had a very long and tiring day and I must go to my room for a bath and some rest.
As he stood, the King, seeing the bulge in Sir Bret's tights, turned to the Queen and using his eyes gestured that she should look. The Queen's eyes got very large and she turned a very nice shade of red. The King said, "Why yes, Sir Bret, I will have my lovely daughter the Princess accompany you and see that ALL your needs are tended to." And with an uproarious laugh, waved his hand to dismiss them.
As he turned to leave, he once again looked at the Queen as she was staring unabashedly at his dick and licking her lips.
Sir Bret was wondering if she too might join in the pleasure he was about to give her daughter. Princess Jennifer fairly dragged him up the stairs and to his room.

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 11:04 PM

As per prior... (as per prior, I like that. hee.) instructions, the bath had been drained and freshly filled with hot oil, scented water.
The Princess shooed away all of the hand maidens and instructed that they were NOT to be disturbed. She undressed as quickly as she could unwrap her fine silks. Sir Bret was watching this in appreciation and when the Princess finally revealed her body, he was delighted. She was fair of skin and had very voluptuous and upright breasts, which made her tiny waist seem even smaller. Her buttock was deliciously rounded and her legs were wonderfully shaped. She stood before him and begin to kiss him passionately. She was grabbing and squeezing his cock with one hand and trying to remove his tunic with the other.
Sir Bret stepped back, pulled his tunic over his head and preceded to try and strip off his tights. The Princess pulled them down around his knees and stopped trying to remove them as she was mesmerized by the huge cock that had just sprang toward her face. She grasped Sir Bret's shaft in her hands and said, "Oh, Sir Bret, I have never seen such a wondrous thing as this. There have been other handsome knights that have shared my bed, but none as well equipped as yourself. Most were very small and I would have to thrust mightily to receive any pleasure. I surmise that these men became Knights as a way to compensate, as large 4-wheel drive trucks and Hummers haven't been invented yet." She laughed and said, "But I see no problems here." And with a final squeeze, helped remove the tights from Sir Bret's legs. With a little giggle, the Princess stepped into the bath and beckoned her brave Knight to join her.

JonPop · 09-15-2007, 11:10 PM

Can't help myself Bret, that this is turning into a novel.
I get caught up in the characters myself.

But hang in there buddy the best is yet to cum.

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 03:02 AM

Sir Bret lay back in the pleasantly scented water and gave a sigh.
Princess Jennifer sat on his lap with her back to him and pulled his penis up between her legs. She said, "So this is what it is like to have a penis." She grasped it and tried bending it around at different angles. Sir Bret said, "Please Princess, I am so erected that you are hurting me, that's not a gear shift, you know." She said, "Oh, I am sorry." And just left it between her legs. Sir Bret wrapped his arms around her enjoying the feel of her firm breasts against his forearms. They lay like this for a long while and he could feel the tiredness draining from his muscles. Finally the Princess could wait no longer and said, "I must have this marvelous penis inside of me."
She stood and bent over, grasping the edge of the large tub, Sir Bret tried to enter her from the rear, but with the water having washed away her juices, found that he couldn't even begin to penetrate her.
The Princess called out to her hand maiden to bring the 'special' oil. The young lady came bringing a jar and the Princess said, "Please apply this to the penis of our brave Knight."
The maiden removed the top and begin applying a liberal amount to Sir Bret's rock hard penis, with very wide eyes. Sir Bret couldn't say that he wasn't enjoying this and let out a soft moan.
Princess Jennifer dismissed the hand (no pun intended) maiden and again bent over the tub. There was much giggling and laughing from behind the door that the hand maiden had left through.
Sir Bret rubbed his rock hard cock all around her pussy lips and begin inserting it into her very tight pussy. As he was pushing his cock in she said, "NO, Stop, no push more, no, no, stop. He was only in about 2 inches and she said, "In a little more, no..yes, deeper."
He felt his cock hit what felt like bottom (and a little cry from the Princess,) that he always felt when he was with a women and then slid in deeper past what ever he had been hitting. Princess Jennifer said, "OH MY LORD, you are so big, I have never felt ANYTHING like this and proceeded to have a huge orgasm. Sir Bret reached around and fondled her breasts, tweaking the nipples between his thumb and finger, which brought cries of pleasure from the Princess and another orgasm. They continued on like this for several minutes with the Princess crying out with pleasure and finally Sir Bret could no longer hold back and filled her pussy with hot cum.

They finished their bath with much tender holding and kissing. They finally stepped out and dried off. Princess Jennifer went to the bed and said for Sir Bret to lie on his back. She got on top as he was so much larger and heavier than her. She inserted his penis with no trouble this time and begin a slow up and down rhythm.

There came a loud shout of WHERE IS HE? Where is Sir Bret?"
Two very large Knights in full armor, pushed their way past the protesting hand maidens and entered the room. Princess Jennifer rolled off Sir Bret and quickly covered herself with the quilt.
Sir Bret recognized the two immediately as Sir Uberschwanz and Sir Sonic Celt, both Moderator Knights from the court of King Arthur and the Kingdom of Betterman.
Sir Sonic Celt said, "We are very sorry to barge in on you at a time like this, eh?" And gave a big smile, "But you must get dressed Sir Bret and we will tell you why we came for you."

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 03:06 AM

Sir Bret got off of the bed unashamedly, as the Knights had been together for so many years that it was if they were brothers, which they were to a certain extent. Both of the Knights looked at Sir Bret's massive erection, at the gains he had acchieved, looked at each other and smiled. Sir Uberschwanz said, " We have come with news from the encampment of our Highness King Arthur, There has been a fierce battle with the spammers. They appeared as if from nowhere and did wreck havoc amongst the Knights and soldiers before we were able to drive them off. We lost many brave foot soldiers and four Moderator Knights were killed." Sir Bret gave a gasp at this unheard of news and stammered, "Who, who were the Knights that were killed?" Sir Sonic Celt said, "Sir Pleaser, Sir 2Cents, Sir 789 and Sir Playtimer." Sir Bret said in loud anguish, "Oh no, not Sir Playtimer, he owed me $20.00 from a bet on the Chargers game last week. Tell me what devious weapon that the spammers used, to kill such strong and experienced Knights, and how did they die?" Sir Sonic Celt said, "They just went poof and disappeared, leaving behind only their last post.
Sir Uberschwanz said. "We managed to capture a spammer before he could get off line and with the magic potions from Sir Merlin, he was gladly telling us everything he knew. Where the spammer's nest is located and all about their new weapon. It seems that they are using a thing called Ctrl Alt Delete. This makes Moderators disappear. King Arthur wants you to return with us immediately as we are gathering for an attack on the spammer nest."
Sir Bret got dressed and put on his armor, gave the Princess a final lingering kiss and apologized for having to leave. The Princess said that she understood, but would he return as soon as possible? To which Sir Bret replied, "That if the Gods allowed it, he would return for her." He went to bid his farewell to King Thunder. As the three rode out of the court yard and across the bridge, the Princess with tears in her eyes waved a silk hanky from her balcony, as a gesture of goodbye as did the Queen, with a sigh, from her balcony where she had been hiding in wait, to join the two on the bed and partake of the pleasures that Sir Bret and the Princess had been engaged in.
To be continued:

italiananglo69 · 09-16-2007, 04:58 AM

applause was heard throughout the land for the Grand wizard Jon Pop.

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 02:48 PM

Than Kyou, Than Kyou very much.

Betterman · 09-16-2007, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Than Kyou, Than Kyou very much.

You must watch The Closer.

Are you sure your not a Writer?

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 04:00 PM

Nope, I just get this overwhelming urge to write sometimes. I think of a scenario, place myself in it as an observer, watch and listen and just write what I see and hear. Unless I'm writing about myself in the first person, such as John and Jennifers Cyber Adventure, then I am living the story as I am writing it. I try to interject humorous little things in my stories. Keeping with the period, of course.

10 · 09-16-2007, 05:08 PM

Loved every word. Loved the ending too!!! Gave me a boner reading it.......

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Loved every word. Loved the ending too!!! Gave me a boner reading it.......

Thanks 10, glad you enjoyed it. I tried not to make it too pornographic, keeping with the Ribald theme, but how could you fuck Jennifer without a little detail? Hee. Like the way I worked our departed Moderators into the story?

10 · 09-16-2007, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Thanks 10, glad you enjoyed it. I tried not to make it too pornographic, keeping with the Ribald theme, but how could you fuck Jennifer without a little detail? Hee. Like the way I worked our departed Moderators into the story?

Yeah, I especially like lying in bed with Jennifer riding me nicely and freakin' tweedle dee and tweedle dum come waltzing in and ruin for another spam war.........(j/k Sonic and Uber.......

)

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 08:41 PM

Freakin' tweedle dee and tweedle dum? I'll have you know, that actually, our Brave Moderator Knights rescued you from a life of sexual servatude. You have no Idea how insatiable Princess Jennifer is. But you'd better hurry and complete this crusade and get back to her, her Mother the Queen is waiting.

10 · 09-16-2007, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Freakin' tweedle dee and tweedle dum? I'll have you know, that actually, our Brave Moderator Knights rescued you from a life of sexual servatude. You have no Idea how insatiable Princess Jennifer is. But you'd better hurry and complete this crusade and get back to her, her Mother the Queen is waiting.

Gee, not sure which I'd prefer: go to battle against spammers.........a war that'll never be won or stay with Jen and be converted to a sex slave? Gee, decisions, decisions.........

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 10:29 PM

Well, you have to make up your mind. I'm reluctant to let this story die. I might write a sequile about the Moderator Knights and their battles against the spammers.

JonPop · 09-16-2007, 10:43 PM

The night was pitch black. The Moderator Knights from the Kingdom of BetterMan, were having to walk beside their horses, let them lead and try not stumble. The full suits of armor while heavy, were also not the most comfortable thing to wear. Although Sir Merlin had designed the armor with the magical clasps and it was far advanced over anything of the period, it still would chafe and rub sore spots.

The long lines of soldiers to the rear were having as much trouble, if one should trip and fall, it would set off a chain reaction with many soldiers falling over the pile. There were constant commands to be quiet, keep it down.

Sir Loki had been sent on ahead to scout the perimeter of the spammer nest and now returned. He had found the column of soldiers and Knights by yelling, "Marco" to which someone would reply, "Polo."

Well, what do you think? Want me to continue? Give me feed back.

Betterman · 09-17-2007, 01:12 AM

I very much appreciate the story line. I find it interesting.

JonPop · 09-17-2007, 04:06 PM

The night was pitch black. The Moderator Knights from the Kingdom of BetterMan, were having to walk beside their horses, let them lead and try not stumble. The full suits of armor while heavy, were also not the most comfortable thing to wear. Although Sir Merlin had designed the armor with the magical clasps and it was far advanced over anything of the period, it still would chafe and rub sore spots.

The long lines of soldiers to the rear were having as much trouble, if one should trip and fall, it would set off a chain reaction with many soldiers falling over the pile. There were constant commands to be quiet, keep it down.

Sir Loki had been sent on ahead to scout the perimeter of the spammer nest and now returned. He had found the column of soldiers and Knights by yelling, "Marco" to which someone would reply, "Polo."

Sir Loki, when he got to the column, yelled, "Light some torches, so that I might find my way to the King."
Several torches were lit and Sir Loki rode down the column until he found King Arthur, astride his horse being led by a squire.
"Your Highness", said Sir Loki, "The spammer nest is completely empty. There is no one around." By this time all the Moderator Knights had gathered round to hear the news. King Arthur said, "Well, there goes our element of surprise, they must have found out somehow, that one of their spammers had given us the location of their nest, further more, they probably knew, that we knew, that their weapon of the Ctrl Alt Delete wouldn't work at night, because it's a line of sight reliant device." The King said, "We'll make camp here for the night, inform the soldiers to set up their tents." The Moderators immediately posted this in Announcements and there was a flurry of torches being lit and wagons being unloaded.

The night was fitful for Sir Bret, he couldn't stop thinking about the Princess Jennifer. He had never missed a woman before and didn't know what to make of these feelings. He, Sir Stud and Sir Want8 took the first shift for perimeter duty. They had opted to not wear their armor as the chances of a surprise attack by the spammers was very low and it was much more comfortable in the saddle.

JonPop · 09-17-2007, 04:08 PM

Just as dawn was breaking, Sir Bret awakened to the smell of freshly brewed English Tea and fried meats. He had been dreaming that he was fucking the Queen and the King was pounding on his back with a stick. He realized, that it had been sir Stud, poking him on the back with his finger to awaken him. Sir Stud said, "Ya'll need to get your ass up, Sir Bret, the King want's you and me and Sir Loki to ride to the spammers nest and see if this ain't maybe a trap." Sir Bret said, "Do I have time to have some tea and breakfast?" Sir Stud said, "Hell yea, I'm gonna eat too." He, Sir Loki and Sir Stud, sat eating and drinking the very strong tea and devised a plan based on what Sir Loki had been able to observe on last nights scouting mission. Sir Bret would take the road directly into the spammers site and Sir Loki and Sir Stud would flank far to the left and right. If there was no challenge or alarm sounded, they would then enter one at a time.

JonPop · 09-17-2007, 08:02 PM

Sir Bret rode slowly, patting his horse on the neck to calm him as his mount sensed that there was danger ahead. As he came to a turn in the road, his senses heightened, feeling this would be and ideal spot for an ambush. There was nothing there. He looked to his right and could see Sir Stud, the sunlight flashing off his shield and to his left Sir Loki was beginning to turn in and was riding to cross his path. The three joined up at what appeared to be a site of great dishevelment. There were huge worm holes everywhere and great piles of partially burned spam posts as if they had been in a great hurry to leave. Sir Stud dismounted and picked up a few of the print-outs and looked at them and said, " What the fuck IS this shit? I can't even read this crap." Holding the papers up to the sun and squinting, trying to make out the strange language. He handed one of the spam messages up to Sir Loki who agreed that he had never seen anything like this before.

They continued further into the vacated nest of the spammers, very wary (I like this one too. Sounds like Elmer Fudd. hee) of any movement.
They separated in three directions, with Sir Bret going up the middle. When they again met up, it was obvious that the site was totally deserted. Sir Bret asked Sir Stud if he would ride back to the encampment and inform the King of their findings. Sir Stud said, "Your damn straight Sir Bret, this fuckin place gives me the creeps." And took off in a gallop to take the word to the King.
Both of them dismounted and begin walking the site on foot, looking for any clue as to which direction the spammers had gone. Sir Loki gave a shout and pointed out the deep grooves made by very heavily laden wagons. They both surmised that these must have been loaded with the servers and processors.
As the sun was now fully up, they sought shade in one of the many large, worm holes, but just a few minutes of this and they were overwhelmed by the overpowering stink of the spammers and had to retreat back outside. Within an hour, they could hear the army of King Arthur rattling and clanking as they made their approach, with Sir Uberschwanz in the lead. (Nothing is louder than an Army on the move,)
When the King arrived, and had posted sentry's out and up the sides of the hills, he dismounted and walked the site to see for himself. He entered a worm hole and came out choking and gagging from the smell. Sir Bret and Sir Loki looked at each other and gave a quiet laugh. King Arthur said, "I have never smelled anything so foul, if nothing else we should be able to locate them by the stink trail that they leave.

JonPop · 09-17-2007, 08:19 PM

A flash of light and movement caught Sir Bret's eye. Sir Marty had galloped up the hill at full speed and dispatched a spammer sniper with one thrust of his lance. He was observed dismounting and picking up an object. He rode quickly back down the hill dropped his lance and instructed his squire to clean the spammer stink from his weapon.
He again dismounted and approached the King. He held out a lap top and said Your Highness, I saw a spammer pointing this at you and was able to ban him before he could activate the Ctrl Alt Delete. The King looked and saw that, yes, his name had been entered and had been only moments away from being deleted. Suddenly, the device became very hot and the King dropped it, just as it was starting to melt.
The King bowed at the waist and said, "Thank you Sir Marty, I owe you my life. Good work."
Sir Marty got many pats on the back and attaboy's from the other Knights. The King instructed that there be a toast to Sir Marty and to break out the Rum stores.
After several rounds of toast's to the Brave Sir Marty, which went straight to the head because of the heat, they lingered awhile and determined that the wagons and the many tracks, had headed West toward the Kingdom of ThundersPlace. Finally, the King felt as if they had gotten all they could from the vacant site and after much pouring over the spam print-outs, his best linguists could decipher but little of the spammer language, decided that they would
leave this foul place and make camp upwind for a few hours and head toward the Kingdom of ThundersPlace in the cooler evening hours.