Ribald Bible stories. - Page 5

JonPop · 09-21-2007, 10:03 PM

The Knights upon entering the swamp were appalled at the carnage and the amount of dead soldiers, fortunately almost all of the booby traps had been sprung, so they were able to make their way quickly to catch up to the rear of the soldiers. Sir Kdub said, "We are very near the spammers nest now." The Knights could make out the silhouette's of large groups of soldiers converging on the nest site through the growth of the swamp. Suddenly they were under attack, arrows were finding their targets in the unprotected soldiers and several hand to hand fights were ensuing. Sir Uberschwanz took a steel tipped arrow to the breast plate of his armor said, "Ugh" and fell to his knees.
It took a second to realize that it had only penetrated about an inch and that he wasn't seriously wounded. The spammer must not have gotten a full pull on his bow. He broke off the arrow and continued on into the fray.
The battle had moved into the spammers nest itself and there was fierce fighting with the Moderator Knights deflecting blows with their shields and slashing with broadswords. King Thunder and his Knights, arrived from the North end of the circle, as he'd figured something was wrong when too much time had passed and there was no sign of the spammers. He and his Knights had entered on foot and as the spammers hadn't had time to booby trap the North end of the swamp, made good time, arriving at the height of the battle. It was soon over, with dead spammers, soldiers and several Moderator knights strewn on the ground, some of the spammers were in pieces. King Arthur and King Thunder met in the center of the spammers nest and conferred about the battle. They stood transfixed as the laptops, hand held devices, servers and processors, of the spammers, simply melted into puddles of hot goo. A team of King Thunders intelligence solders were instructed to remain at the site to gather what they could and to secure the area.

The remaining soldiers and Knights carried their dead and wounded back out of the swamp to the wagons and the medical aid that was there. The King and the Moderator Knights' squires, had brought their horses and lances from the North end of the swamp and joined them at the staging area. Quartermaster corps was charged in counting and identifying the dead and dying. The soldiers and Knights gathered around their Kings and all dropped to their Knees to give thanks for the outcome and victory in the battle against the spammers.
The count was a staggering 374 soldiers and 14 Moderator Knights killed. All the Moderator Knights that had been killed were, 1 from MOS and the remainder from Thunders. The Moderator Knights from MOS had fought like demons in retaliation for the sacking of the Matters Of Size site and the death of their beloved King, Doublelongdaddy. The best quick count of the wounded, was over 200. A team had been sent back into the swamp to get a body count of the spammers. The BetterMan Knights all came through unscathed except for some cuts and bruises and Sir Uberschwanz with the wound to his chest. The magical clasps, luckily, allowed the breast plate to be separated from the sides and back of his armor as it would have been very tricky to pull the armor over his head with an arrow shaft stuck through the breast plate, his wound was treated and bandaged.
The Kings and the BetterMan Moderators and most of the Thunders Moderator knights returned to the castle to bring the news of the victory and report the sad loss of so many fine soldiers and Knights. The Knights were besieged with shouts from wives, girlfriends and mothers and fathers for the identity of the fallen soldiers. There was much wailing and crying at the news. The Knights were not able to provide that information. More wagons were sent to retrieve the dead and many more physicians to tend to the wounded.

Everyone that could pack into the great room listened as King Thunder spoke. The soldiers that had returned to their camp outside of the walls were kept informed of the Kings words by word of mouth, relay. King Thunder stood in front of his throne still in full armor that contained many dents and nicks and said, "My loyal soldiers and brave Knights, I salute you on the great victory over the spammers on this day. We suffered terrible losses of many very fine men in the unanticipated ferocity of this battle. Yes, we had underestimated the cunning of the spammers as we were counting on our new protection to carry us through with minimal losses. When we entered the swamp, we were not prepared for the traps that awaited us. But the bravery of everyone involved, guaranteed the outcome, which was total and complete victory over the spammers.
Please accept my deepest gratitude for your bravery and the skill that you demonstrated in todays battle." There were no shouts or beating of gauntlets on breast plates, this time, just Knights whispering amongst themselves. Sir JonPop stood before the crowd and said, "You are dismissed to tend to yourselves and to eat and rest." The many soldiers and Knights filed quietly from the great hall, except for the BetterMan Knights that had been assigned rooms in the castle.

jennifer · 09-21-2007, 10:59 PM

I have not had a chance to read the entire story yet, but what I have read is very good.

JonPop · 09-22-2007, 12:55 AM

Thanks Jennifer. Hope you started with the first story at post #68. Where the heck ya been? Oh never mind, you've been playing the roll of Princess Jennifer Thunder and keeping Sir Bret fucked blind. Hee.

JonPop · 09-22-2007, 03:01 AM

The evening hours were very somber. The bodies had been returned to a makeshift morgue at the soldiers encampment and loved ones were allowed to come and claim the remains. The Ladies and Wives of the ThundersPlace Knights had been with the Queen all day, sequestered in mourning. The BetterMan knights while very sad at the loss of the Moderator Knights and even though the loss of BetterMan soldiers was very high as they had been in the center of the circle when the battle started, they didn't dwell on this.
A rider had been dispatched to the Kingdom of BetterMan to tell of the news of the battle and of the losses. The bodies of the soldiers would be brought home when King Arthur, the Knights and the remainder of the army, returned from the war.

The Knights were never the less, relaxing and taking advantage of the hot baths and comely hand maidens, to celebrate the victory without loss to the BetterMan Knights.
Sir Uberschwanz and Sir Stud were sharing a bath and Sir Uberschwanz had been ordered by the Kings physician, to keep the wound dry for a least 3 days. He had cleaned and stitched the wound as he had, the gash over Sir Studs, right eye. The two young, shapely and beautiful hand maidens that were attending to the two, had brought a large jug of wine and 4 goblets, stripped off their clothes and joined the Knights in the bath. Sir Uberschwanz, was sitting as tall in the water as he could, to keep his wound dry and the water was only to his waist. Sir Stud had slid down into the tub and only his head was out of the water.
The two girls were across from the Knights, giggling and talking in low whispers. Their bare breasts were just peeking above the top of the water. Sir Stud slid across the tub and got between the two lovely girls and put his arm around each and whispered in their ears. Sir Uberschwanz was watching this with interest as the girls both nodded, looked at one another and the cute little blond girl with curly hair, slid out from under Sir Studs arm and came over to sit with Sir Uberschwanz. She looked at the wound on his chest and said, "Oh you poor brave Knight, how did this happen?" He answered, "I was shot with an arrow in my breast plate and luckily for me, it didn't penatrate with enough force to do grave damage." She looked at Sir Stud and said, "Was he shot with an arrow also?" "No," said Sir Uberschwanz, the point of a sword went through a small opening in his visor and missed his eye by inches."
Both the ladies were enthralled and wanted to hear more about the battle. Sir Stud said,"Ya'll ladies forget about that battle, we ain't talkin about that stuff right now. What we want to do is fuck ya'lls brains out." And laughed. They sat in the water until it was getting too cool to be comfortable, drinking the wine and hugging and kissing. Sir Stud had been playing with his girls breasts and she was marveling at the size of his erected penis and had remarked that all the BetterMan Knights that she had seen and attended in the baths, were extremely large.
Sir Stud and Sir Uberschwanz both laughed at this. And Sir Uberschwanz said, "Yes, my beautiful young lady, that's what we do at BetterMan, we grow our penises through exercises."
They got out of the now cold water and dried off with some of the Kings, fine soft towels and the girls led them naked to separate rooms and the beds. Sir Stud and Sir Uberschwanz spent the remainder of the day and into the late evening making love to these two insatiable women. Finally the pangs of hunger led them to get dressed and down the stair case in search of food. The table had remained, covered with food for whomever felt like eating at whetever time.

.

Überschwanz · 09-22-2007, 06:32 AM

Oh JP, you're going to need to be more graphic.

JonPop · 09-22-2007, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Überschwanz

Oh JP, you're going to need to be more graphic.

Nope. That's as graphic as I can get in a Ribald story. Hey...You wanted some pussy. At least you and Stud get pussy in real life. Hee

JonPop · 09-22-2007, 07:27 PM

King Arthur was becoming anxious to return to the Kingdom of BetterMan and his Queen, as he, his Knights and soldiers had been gone for almost two months on this crusade to find and destroy the spammers.

Preparations were being made for the return march and many wagons had been borrowed from King Thunder to transport the many bodies of the fallen soldiers of BetterMan and the supplies they would need for the long journey.
King Thunder had said, jokingly, "Why certainly my Good King Arthur, you may take anything you need and when you return the wagons, you shall receive your deposit back," And laughed greatly.

The Knights, again dressed in full armor and clad in the reflective metal as a precaution against any spammer snipers that might not have been killed in the battle and also the roving bands of bandits that plagued convoys along the road they must take, to return to their homeland.
Princess Jennifer was clinging tightly to Sir Bret and wailing, "You must take me with you Sir Bret, I must marry you and be by your side, for always."
The King hearing this grabbed the Princess by the arm and pulled her away from Sir Bret, saying, "Princess, I have, all of your adult life, allowed you to have your way with handsome Knights to satisfy your overpowering sexual cravings. But, you cannot marry this Knight. Sir Bret is a fine, Nobel and brave man and I would be proud to have him as a Son-in-law and heir to my Kingdom, but King Arthur and I have discussed a possible union between our two Kingdoms, with the marriage of his Son, Prince Rob to you, Princess Jennifer Thunder. Prince Rob is a Nobel and handsome man and I have been told he is endowed with the huge penis that you crave." Princess Jennifer's eyes opened very wide at this, she stopped trying to hold on to Sir Bret turned her back on him and said in a very excited voice, "Oh Father, I must meet this Prince Rob."
Sir Bret, was somewhat relieved. Although he had strong feelings for the Princess and the sex had been unbelievable and satisfying, he was very glad to see this fickle side of the Princess. The Princess had skipped away to go have her hand maidens do her hair without so much as a goodbye to Sir Bret.
There was much fanfare as the wagons, soldiers, Knights and King Arthur crossed the draw bridge to wend their way home, to the Kingdom of BetterMan.

THE END.

JonPop · 09-22-2007, 11:29 PM

Ok guys. Wheew, 10 hard days devoted to the writing of this book. Backache, headache, eyes blurry putting off things, from too many hours at the computor. Hope you find the adventure and the Spammers War interesting and enjoy my efforts. I think I'll take a looong break from writing for awhile. JonPop

Betterman · 09-22-2007, 11:32 PM

Thanks for the Story. I and I'm sure others appreciate your efforts.

JonPop · 09-23-2007, 05:51 PM

Thanks BMan, it was fun.

10 · 09-24-2007, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

Yea I like it. Anytime theres pussy and drinking involved its got to be good. But Bret aint gonna be able to handle Jennifer all by hisself. She would wear his ass out after about 10 minutes. You need to give him some back up.

Someone's jealous............

I'm doing just fine on my own.......thanks anyway Maurice......

BTW JP, great story......

JonPop · 09-24-2007, 03:42 AM

Thanks 10, how does it feel to be a star? hee

10 · 09-24-2007, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Thanks 10, how does it feel to be a star? hee

Feels great. Now I just need my own dressing room.....

italiananglo69 · 09-24-2007, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Feels great. Now I just need my own dressing room.....

Poor Sir Bret, You still didnt get the Princess in the end.

Prince Rob

10 · 09-24-2007, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by italiananglo69

Poor Sir Bret, You still didnt get the Princess in the end.

Prince Rob

Hey Prince Rob, this story isn't over yet...........

JonPop · 09-24-2007, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by italiananglo69

Poor Sir Bret, You still didnt get the Princess in the end.

Prince Rob

Hey IA, I was wondering if you would pick up on that.

italiananglo69 · 09-24-2007, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Hey IA, I was wondering if you would pick up on that.

want sure if it was me or betterman founder

JonPop · 09-24-2007, 07:32 PM

Well, since you caught it and our glorious founder Rob, didn't, you are awarded the title of Prince Rob in the story. All hail Prince Rob and his upcoming marriage to Princess Jennifer Thunder.

italiananglo69 · 09-24-2007, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Well, since you caught it and our glorious founder Rob, didn't, you are awarded the title of Prince Rob in the story. All hail Prince Rob and his upcoming marriage to Princess Jennifer Thunder.

am i sensing a part 2? come on Jp, you have it in you

JonPop · 09-24-2007, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by italiananglo69

am i sensing a part 2? come on Jp, you have it in you

Aw, I don't know IA. That was a lot of work and time, heck, most of the people don't read my stories anyway.
But down the road....Anybody have any suggestions? Keeping with the Ribald Bible theme, of course. Hmmm, maybe I could write about an ancient brewery, Sir Stud would love that.

italiananglo69 · 09-24-2007, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Aw, I don't know IA. That was a lot of work and time, heck, most of the people don't read my stories anyway.
But down the road....Anybody have any suggestions? Keeping with the Ribald Bible theme, of course. Hmmm, maybe I could write about an ancient brewery, Sir Stud would love that.

or does he just smell like an ancient brewery?

happy stud · 09-26-2007, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Aw, I don't know IA. That was a lot of work and time, heck, most of the people don't read my stories anyway.
But down the road....Anybody have any suggestions? Keeping with the Ribald Bible theme, of course. Hmmm, maybe I could write about an ancient brewery, Sir Stud would love that.

Hell yea. Actually you could write about 2 ancient breweries. One of them tasted like piss and thats where all the Thunder spammers went. This one later became known as Miller. And the good brewery that all the good knights drank and fucked jennifer at. this one later became known as Budweiser.

JonPop · 09-26-2007, 01:01 AM

Sorry Sir Stud, if I wrote a story about an ancient brewery, it'd have to be about mead.

Mead is a honey-based fermented beverage that has been produced and enjoyed since before the dawn of recorded history. Because of its antiquity, mead has acquired an almost magical reputation in our mythologies. For example, the term "honeymoon" is intertwined with the custom of drinking honey-based mead for a month (moon) after the wedding; this practice was said to ensure baby boys. Mead making was once the province of a select, trained guild.

JonPop · 09-26-2007, 01:21 AM

Hey studly, just thought. I could make you a "Mead Monk" Snicker...

JonPop · 09-26-2007, 02:46 AM

Let's see might go like this;

The head brewer of the finest Mead in BetterMan was Brother Stud, known throughout the Kingdom as the finest brewmiester in the land. Unbeknownst to all, Brother Stud, hated mead. He was secretly working on a new formula that he would eventuallly call, 'Mead Light' and since Brother Stud's last name was Miller.....

happy stud · 09-26-2007, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Let's see might go like this;

The head brewer of the finest Mead in BetterMan was Brother Stud, known throughout the Kingdom as the finest brewmiester in the land. Unbeknownst to all, Brother Stud, hated mead. He was secretly working on a new formula that he would eventuallly call, 'Mead Light' and since Brother Stud's last name was Miller.....

And Brother Stud gave this mead to the Thunder spammers getting their asses sicker than hell because it tasted like shit. When somebody asked him what he put in it to make the Thunder spammers so sick he told him daily piss. Everybody asked what should this secret weopon be called. Mead was thought about but everybody decided that would confuse everyone with the good stuff. So everybody agreed to use Miller to label the bad mead with the piss in it since he was the head Thunders spammer. Every man tried real hard to fuck Jennifer but nobody could figure out how to get her little prissy ass. One day a guy named Bud was drinking the real good mead and jennifer got real excited seeing how big his dick got when he drank the good mead. She said wow Bud look at the size of your sir now! She then said wow can I try to put this big thing in my mouth and in my pussy? Since everybody dreamed of fucking Jennifer they drank the good mead and in honor of Bud decided to call it Budwiser since he was so smart to figure out a way to fuck Jennifer.

JonPop · 09-26-2007, 04:10 PM

If that were true, my friend, then nobody would drink Miller, which as you know, is not the case. Everybody would drink Budweiser and you would already have gotten fucked by Jennifer. Which as you know, is NOT the case. Hee.

JonPop · 09-27-2007, 12:49 AM

The Black Knight was an enigma. No one knew where he came from or when he would appear. His shield was jet black, with no markings or crest. His horse was huge and coal black with reddish eyes and a mean disposition. The Knight was a very large man and in his black armor, was a formidable and intimidating sight. His armor and shield showed the scars of many battles with nicks and dents. He carried a mace with large, sharpened spikes, surrounding the ball, a broadsword that would take two smaller men to wield and a lance that was longer and heavier than most. His legend and prowess had spread throughout the kingdoms, like wild fire. Many young, brave Knights, had attempted to defeat the Black Knight in one on one combat, and the dead foolish Knights that wanted to prove themselves the best, were countless.

JonPop · 09-29-2007, 04:19 PM

Ooops, nobody want's another adventure story?

italiananglo69 · 09-29-2007, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Ooops, nobody want's another adventure story?

Go ahead JP

jennifer · 09-29-2007, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by italiananglo69

Go ahead JP

Yes, go ahead and write another one. Your story telling ability is very good, JP. But this time let's have one of the knights to get so drunk from his Budweiser that he sleeps with a man. Of course, I would never mention which knight this should be!

italiananglo69 · 09-29-2007, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

Yes, go ahead and write another one. Your story telling ability is very good, JP. But this time let's have one of the knights to get so drunk from his Budweiser that he sleeps with a man. Of course, I would never mention which knight this should be!

i was waiting for the Royal wedding story

JonPop · 09-29-2007, 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

Yes, go ahead and write another one. Your story telling ability is very good, JP. But this time let's have one of the knights to get so drunk from his Budweiser that he sleeps with a man. Of course, I would never mention which knight this should be!

Well, maybe this is one time when ol' Sir Stud, will be happy that Budweiser hasn't been invented yet. AND, I think studly is going to have something to say to you about that post.

happy stud · 09-30-2007, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Well, maybe this is one time when ol' Sir Stud, will be happy that Budweiser hasn't been invented yet. AND, I think studly is going to have something to say to you about that post.

Jennifer just likes those pussy whipped knights that will do whatever she says. Rugged ass knights that drink beer instead of wine get on her shit list.

jennifer · 10-01-2007, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

Jennifer just likes those pussy whipped knights that will do whatever she says. Rugged ass knights that drink beer instead of wine get on her shit list.

Yep, I pussy whip those knights, all right. But at least they get some pussy, while the "rugged ass" knights get to go home and jerk off!