"Casual Sex" vs. ""In Love Sex"

jennifer · 06-13-2007, 12:51 AM

Over the last few weeks I have read many comments in different threads regarding “casual sex” versus “in love sex”.

Some members have no problem having sex with someone they have just met or barely know, while other members would prefer to have a relationship before having sex.

Neither position is right or wrong. It is a personal choice based on one’s beliefs and morals.

Personally, I think we as human beings need sex to some degree in our lives. Sex helps us from a physical, mental, emotional and physiological perspective. As a female, I would not hop in bed with a stranger for obvious safety reasons.

However, in the past I have had casual sex with someone I have known for a few years. He dated one of my best friends for a little while. She told me how great he was in bed. Long after they had broken up, when the time presented itself, I had a fling with him. The sex was incredible! However, I had no intentions of wanting to get into any type of relationship with him.

If I were divorced with kids, I would still want to have sex in my life. Yes, I would be very concerned about what my kids would think and therefore would not have sex while they were in the house. It is certainly very kind and considerate to think about others, especially one’s children, but we must still think about ourselves, also.

I would like to get your opinions as to your feelings regarding “casual sex” and “in love sex”.

JonPop · 06-13-2007, 01:03 AM

Ooooh, that hurt my eyes to read. Pink, stinks.

jennifer · 06-13-2007, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Ooooh, that hurt my eyes to read. Pink, stinks.

And would you like me to remind you what pink represents?

(And MY pink doesn't stink!)

JonPop · 06-13-2007, 01:08 AM

Yes, Jen I know. I found that out at the mansion.
But your pink post did. Hee

jennifer · 06-13-2007, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Yes, Jen I know. I found that out at the mansion.
But your pink post did. Hee

If you keep reading the post over and over, you will start to think about some of MY pink parts! Haha.

JonPop · 06-13-2007, 01:34 AM

Hell, I don't need to do that to think of your "Pink" parts. Hee

Überschwanz · 06-13-2007, 07:29 AM

I second JP. The pink burns my retinas.

wantItThicker · 06-13-2007, 11:55 AM

For myself there is no real difference, sex is sex. It can be teasing, romantic, or rough, but that doesn't depend on me being in love. When I am having sex with someone I concentrate on that energy, and trying to drive my partner crazy, I am not dreaming of roses or hearing harps playing for sure ;) Of course the before and afterwards are different if you are in love.

Maybe I am just a callous b*stard? But I wonder if there is a difference to most guys? I know my ex-wife and current fiancee love to keep the feeling going after sex. So I am conscious of that (now;) and go with it. Otherwise, I would be up and going back to renovations, or hit the gym, or whatever right afterwards. Learned that is not the best thing to do...

10 · 06-13-2007, 01:31 PM

I tend to agree. I learned alot from being on this forum in terms of how I might have been perceived by my ex. Back in marital days, sex was sex. We hooked up, did it and would go back to watching the tube or whatever..........there was no gazing long into each other's eyes and whispering sweet nothings. We'd fuck and then go on with our lives.

BUT, while sometimes just having casual sex is a HUGE turn on, having romantic-"in love" sex is just as important. But like wantItThicker stated, when your having sex, your concentrating on the energy at that moment and not worrying about whether or not the sex is perceived to be casual or romantic. Your just enjoying the sex.

Jen, you touched on something in your initial post that sort of hit home. You made reference to being divorced with kids and as most of you here know, that's me. And sometimes, I get so involved with being a dad and making sure that my kids' needs are being met, sometimes I forget the fact that I have a life myself and I have needs as well (i.e. sex!!). So, it's a point that has reminded me that I can't sacrifice my own life's needs and desires for those little people in my life (at least not all the time).

bozoballz · 06-13-2007, 02:47 PM

When you love someone you actually care about that person. You put that person's needs in front of you own. And when you fuck you are fucking the whole person, not just a piece of ass. People need to be loved. Need to be cared for, nurtured. Then sex can become an expression of love... and THEN you can fuck like a couple of wild animals. ;)

I consider casual sex to be more like how animals do it. There is no real caring or warm feelings behind the act. Its just fucking. Satisfying one's own needs. That can be fun but it cheapens the whole thing. Now that doesn't mean you need to be totally in love with the person you are having sex with but at least know the person and LIKE them, respect their values, appreciate their good qualities, and dig their titties.

To sum up: Sex without love and caring is a more crude, course way to go about it where sex with love requires a certain level of sophistication. It requires some level of mastering ones own emotions and giving love and kindness as well as a stiff dick.

wantItThicker · 06-13-2007, 03:12 PM

But is there a real difference? Are you saying that you would just stick it in some woman you didn't like, go crazy for a couple of minutes, and then roll off satisfied? Exaggerating of course, don't take offence ;)

I have never had sex with a woman I didn't like (and of course attraction goes without saying) and there was always some kind of feeling there. But the feeling was "hey aren't we having fantastic sex together?" Great sex is not about just getting yourself off even if you are not in love.

To me sex and love are two different things, maybe its different for a lot of women, but I would think that most guys would feel as I do. Just being honest.

bozoballz · 06-13-2007, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wantItThicker

To me sex and love are two different things, maybe its different for a lot of women, but I would think that most guys would feel as I do. Just being honest.

What I am saying is at some point sex=love, love=sex. Love is an expression of sex and sex an expression of love. You can't pull the two apart.

However it starts with love. The ability to open your heart to others without becoming extremely attached or possessive etc... That might be the sticking point for most guys. They can't love without a feeling of ownership, they become extremely jealous if another man so much as glances at "their" woman. Thats not love, thats treating the woman like an object.

Most men probably don't know what its like to really open their hearts, probably viewed as some sort of weakness. And most women probably don't know what its like to be truly loved, they are used to be treated like an object or possession.

Sex then becomes some sort of ego driven conquest to show the girl how much a "man" one is by giving them orgasms and long hard boners instead of giving them their essence, their love. And the women are driven in the same way, they need a long, hard fuck reaching to the heights of their orgasm instead of what they really crave, to be loved... plus passionate, deep, hard, multi-orgasmic fucking. ;) :)

The missing piece in all this is genuine affection and true love. What good is all this if one is tossed away like a twinkie wrapper in the end? Leaves one feeling cheap and used, one loses ones self-worth and then, to feel better, looks for more sex as confirmation that they have worth. Then tossed away again and it starts all over but one notch deeper into losing ones worth completely.

sikdogg · 06-13-2007, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bozoballz

What I am saying is at some point sex=love, love=sex. Love is an expression of sex and sex an expression of love. You can't pull the two apart...

I disagree... I think you're confusing love with lust. Sex does not equal love and love does not equal sex. One is a physical act while the other is an expression of feelings and companionship. They are two completely separate things. Love is the things that you do for your spouse the other 23 hours that you're not having sex with her, but you can get aroused and have sex with any moderately attractive chick. The sex i have with other women is almost never as good as the sex i have with my wife.

bozoballz · 06-13-2007, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

I disagree... I think you're confusing love with lust. Sex does not equal love and love does not equal sex. One is a physical act while the other is an expression of feelings and companionship. They are two completely separate things. Love is the things that you do for your spouse the other 23 hours that you're not having sex with her, but you can get aroused and have sex with any moderately attractive chick. The sex i have with other women is almost never as good as the sex i have with my wife.

What I'm saying is sex can equal love and love can equal sex. One can express those feelings and companionship while having sex... then sex becomes an expression of love. Love an expression of sex. It is subtle. You have to look at it just right. It doesn't happen on its own. It is a conscious act. This is why animals don't make love.

sikdogg · 06-13-2007, 05:35 PM

Expressing love through sex does not make love=sex, that is just flawed logic. Yes, sex is an expression of love but love is not an expression of sex. The connection between love and sex is one way... The mere fact that you have to conciously connect the two proves they are separate entities...

Überschwanz · 06-13-2007, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

Expressing love through sex does not make love=sex, that is just flawed logic. Yes, sex is an expression of love but love is not an expression of sex. The connection between love and sex is one way... The mere fact that you have to conciously connect the two proves they are separate entities...

I agree with sikdogg on this.

JonPop · 06-13-2007, 06:15 PM

A very long relationship, eg, marriage which I have been in, gains you insite. I agree with sikdogg

wantItThicker · 06-13-2007, 07:01 PM

I was married and loved my wife (a lot) for 15 years, the sex was lousy. I also love the woman I currently live with and the sex is incredible.

They are both great women, just one of them is really into sex (as I am) and one of them never was.

happy stud · 06-13-2007, 08:01 PM

If Im understanding jennifers question which was hard with all that damn pink I think she was asking us did we feel the sex was different with picking up a woman and having sex with her as compared to going out a while with the woman before we fucked her.

Pussy is pussy either way. But I think you have a different attitude towards her if you feel something for her. Ive dated women I liked alot and we did a bunch of stuff outside of the bed. Ive also fucked alot of women I just picked up and pussy was all I wanted from them. So I guess it just depends on what youre looking for from a woman.

sikdogg · 06-13-2007, 08:25 PM

For me, sex is better with someone you care for because after some time you both get to know what the other person likes. You grow together sexually and emotionally where as with one night stands, it's just about the fucking. This isn't necessarily bad... as they say, bad sex is better than no sex.

Another problem i have with one night stands is that i don't trust them to be drug/disease free so i always wear a condom and because i don't know "clean" they are, especially if i met them at a club and they've been dancing and working up a sweat, i rarely ever go down on them until they've showered. This really sucks for me cuz i really enjoy eating pussy. Right Jenn??

jennifer · 06-13-2007, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

For me, sex is better with someone you care for because after some time you both get to know what the other person likes. You grow together sexually and emotionally where as with one night stands, it's just about the fucking. This isn't necessarily bad... as they say, bad sex is better than no sex.

Another problem i have with one night stands is that i don't trust them to be drug/disease free so i always wear a condom and because i don't know "clean" they are, especially if i met them at a club and they've been dancing and working up a sweat, i rarely ever go down on them until they've showered. This really sucks for me cuz i really enjoy eating pussy. Right Jenn??

Yes, but my pussy is nice even when it is "musky".

sikdogg · 06-13-2007, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennifer

Yes, but my pussy is nice even when it is "musky".

Yes it is...

yum. There are exceptions to every rule... you just happen to be the one exception to all my rules.

jennifer · 06-13-2007, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

Yes it is...

yum. There are exceptions to every rule... you just happen to be the one exception to all my rules.

Haha, I think lately I have a lot of exceptions to the rules. Thanks for being so sweet!

Loki · 06-13-2007, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

For me, sex is better with someone you care for because after some time you both get to know what the other person likes. You grow together sexually and emotionally where as with one night stands, it's just about the fucking. This isn't necessarily bad... as they say, bad sex is better than no sex.

Yep, that's how I feel.

10 · 06-14-2007, 12:30 AM

Yes, BAD sex is better than NO sex................God knows I should know..............

happy stud · 06-14-2007, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Yes, BAD sex is better than NO sex................God knows I should know..............

What the hell is bad sex? Razor blades in the girls pussy?

Betterman · 06-14-2007, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

What the hell is bad sex? Razor blades in the girls pussy?

I would imagine someone that is about as playful a toy doll?

10 · 06-14-2007, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

What the hell is bad sex? Razor blades in the girls pussy?

I wouldn't know. Bad sex could still be good sex..............fuck if I know.........

bozoballz · 06-14-2007, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

Expressing love through sex does not make love=sex, that is just flawed logic. Yes, sex is an expression of love but love is not an expression of sex. The connection between love and sex is one way... The mere fact that you have to conciously connect the two proves they are separate entities...

Yes, I agree with this. Love=sex means I couldn't love anyone unless I had sex with them. sex=love is not true either because we can have sex without love.

Okay, how about love+sex=

slickwillie · 06-14-2007, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

The sex i have with other women is almost never as good as the sex i have with my wife.

I like the fact that you snuck in the word "almost" sik! Good stuff...

wantItThicker · 06-14-2007, 12:22 PM

So we all agree that sex gets better when you love someone and get to know them and what they like as well.

But even though that first night sex is less smooth since you are venturing into new water.. isn't there something to be said for "Captain Kirk sex" (ie: boldly going where maybe a few men have gone before). Even if the babe may be from another planet and is green there is still that excitement factor you can't deny. Sex may be much better with someone you love but for some reason those other nights stick in your memory

sikdogg · 06-14-2007, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickwillie

I like the fact that you snuck in the word "almost" sik! Good stuff...

Yea... sometimes you strike gold and find a one-night-stand that really makes your toes curl.

Doesn't happen often though...

happy stud · 06-14-2007, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

Yea... sometimes you strike gold and find a one-night-stand that really makes your toes curl.

Doesn't happen often though...

It depends on what your looking for. Ive had some one nighters that were unbelievable fucks. Wild ass women. But if your hoping to find your soul mate in a one night stand then youll probably be disappointed.

10 · 06-15-2007, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy stud

It depends on what your looking for. Ive had some one nighters that were unbelievable fucks. Wild ass women. But if your hoping to find your soul mate in a one night stand then youll probably be disappointed.

Wow............this is one for the record books.............I actually AGREE with studly on this..................

happy stud · 06-15-2007, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Wow............this is one for the record books.............I actually AGREE with studly on this..................

Get a little taste of some new pussy and youll really be agreeing with me.