Speed Dating - Page 3

sikdogg · 02-22-2008, 11:40 PM

Quote:

On the financial security issue, this is where I differ. I think she and I should build financial security together versus her expecting me to do that for her. I'm not going to do that. Yes, I understand that that may rule out many, many women out there but that's a chance I'm willing to take. My financial goals are focused on me and my two kids. It's far more important for me to know that whoever I meet loves me for me and not for what money I have in the bank. To me, that's a huge turn off. And, for what it's worth, I would much rather my daughters meet a guy who treats her with respect, honesty and love versus showering them with financial security but treats them like shit. I guess at this stage in life, I place greater value on real, genuine love versus the materialistic aspect of it. Don't get me wrong, money is of course important but I don't think it should be a basis for a relationship.

Yes if you were in a relationship then the two of you would build financial security together, but i think a realist woman wants a man that is capable of building that financial security with her. I would personally want someone that is concerned about these things as i am... i think that a woman asking for a man to have an education, a job, and a good living is fair as it will affect her standard of living. It may seem selfish or classist but if someone grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood, why would that person want to marry and live in a lower middle class neighborhood?? He/she wouldn't... We all grow up with certain standards and want to either maintain those standards or move up a bit as we marry and raise children. You grew up in the OC where there are many affluent neighborhoods... women that grew up there will understandably want a certain lifestyle. There may also be women with alot of money and don't want to find a bum who will try to live off her. As you can see... there are many things that can be at play her. I don't think they are asking about your job or income because they only want money and not be willing to treat you with respect... I think that in the end, most women want a good realtionship where you two can connect deeply and fulfil each other's emotional and physical needs. If she finds this "soul mate", then most other things can be worked out. Just don't be blinded and close the book on them before giving them a try to see where it takes you...

short&sassy · 02-23-2008, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Here's a question I've got for Nikki and Susan and S&S:

When I'm on match.com, once I find a woman that I'm interested in, I look to see what she looks for in a man's income and job. I've noticed many women are looking for a guy who makes a certain amount of money. These women I've stayed away from because this tells me they are placing more emphasis and importance on the money side of the relationship versus really wanting a guy for his qualities and him as a person. Comments?

Also, I've been primarily looking for single moms with at least one child, either divorced, separated or never married. My reasoning behind this is I believe that a single mom would be able to relate to me on a parental level and thus make dating easier because there is that mutual level of understanding. Plus, I've also been under the impression that women find it sexy as hell to see a single, divorced dad taking a completely active role in his childs life and giving parenthood 100% of his efforts. Comments/suggestions?

I've been discussing this with many people, including my very own mother. She thinks I should broaden my age range and look for women in their late 20's (about 10 years younger than myself) because typically these women are still building their lives and since I'm in the same stage at the moment, that would make it perfect for both of us. Now I've intentionally left out women in this age range as well as without children because I sort of figure they wouldn't want to attach themselves to a guy with baggage already. This is a total assumption on my part but I'm wondering if I should just go for this category of women also? It would definitely widen the range of women I have to choose from and as my mom pointed out, I don't know who does or doesn't want to bother with a divorced dad with kids until I email them and start up a dialog.

Thanks for the input ladies................do appreciate it.

These are very good questions. First I would stay away from any one who puts an income stipulation on any relationship. For any number of reasons..... the first being that if she's worth your time and vice versa money wont matter. The second well, life just happens. And just on principal I believe you dont need a man to support you. You're suppose to support each other. The other part of your question, I wouldn't eliminate that part of the female population. There are some women who are around thier mid to late thirties who don't have children because they can't conceive. That does'nt mean they won't have a maternal side. I deal a lot with "girls" in thier mid to late twenties in my business and the responsible ratio to that is about 20/60. Some are ready to marry and have families they are just waiting for the right guy. The other, well..... lets just say they aren't any one I want any one of my four sons going out with. They may come home with unwanted pets. But I think you have the right idea, the right place in your heart. It will happen.
I was just curious.... what on earth would you have in common with in a woman 10 years your junior???? My x was 6 yrs my senior he had the brain of an empty broken jar. We had nothing in common.

Fyi sex is not every thing. So dont say that.

JonPop · 02-23-2008, 02:33 AM

Hey short&sassy, question? What is your business?

southern belle · 02-23-2008, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Here's a question I've got for Nikki and Susan and S&S:

When I'm on match.com, once I find a woman that I'm interested in, I look to see what she looks for in a man's income and job. I've noticed many women are looking for a guy who makes a certain amount of money. These women I've stayed away from because this tells me they are placing more emphasis and importance on the money side of the relationship versus really wanting a guy for his qualities and him as a person. Comments?

Also, I've been primarily looking for single moms with at least one child, either divorced, separated or never married. My reasoning behind this is I believe that a single mom would be able to relate to me on a parental level and thus make dating easier because there is that mutual level of understanding. Plus, I've also been under the impression that women find it sexy as hell to see a single, divorced dad taking a completely active role in his childs life and giving parenthood 100% of his efforts. Comments/suggestions?

I've been discussing this with many people, including my very own mother. She thinks I should broaden my age range and look for women in their late 20's (about 10 years younger than myself) because typically these women are still building their lives and since I'm in the same stage at the moment, that would make it perfect for both of us. Now I've intentionally left out women in this age range as well as without children because I sort of figure they wouldn't want to attach themselves to a guy with baggage already. This is a total assumption on my part but I'm wondering if I should just go for this category of women also? It would definitely widen the range of women I have to choose from and as my mom pointed out, I don't know who does or doesn't want to bother with a divorced dad with kids until I email them and start up a dialog.

Thanks for the input ladies................do appreciate it.

These are excellent questions!

Question #1 - This question is a great reason why I do not like these Internet dating services. I mean, a person is basing who they like by how much money a person makes? To me, liking a person and wanting to date them, money should not be a factor. The implication of this question is a woman may like or not like this guy based on how much money he makes. Where is the love/romance in that? This very well may be where all the bottom feeder women surface. And why some guys get mad at women for being materialistic, etc. If I were a guy, I wouldn't answer the question or would answer "undisclosed" or $0. Then see if she still wants you to meet her.

Question #2 - This question is one of those "double-edged swords". Although women may find it admirable that a guy takes a huge interest in his kids, she may be wondering will he devote so much of his time with his kids and only see him when it doesn't conflict with the kids. Please do not misunderstand. No woman would begrudge a guy whose child was very sick/hurt and had to be rushed to the hospital. But sometimes, as I have seen so many times, children are highly manipulative. Suppose the child is "jealous" of Daddy going out with a woman who is not their Mommy? And calls Daddy on his cell while Daddy is on a date with his new date and fakes a sickness? Does the guy panic and want to abruptly leave? Or, is he so preoccupied that he is not really paying too much attention to his date? No woman wants to be ignored when they go out, especially on the first few dates. So, obviously there are some fine lines here as far as been a great Dad and one who is so obsessed over his kids that he neglects his date/new girlfriend.

Question #3 - I have known, as I am sure many of you have also, couples in which one was 10 years or older than the other one and they have a great relationship. And I have known, again as many of you have, couples who were the same or approximate age and their relationship did not last.

Some people are more mature than others. Some people have different views and philosophies than others. Saying this to make the point that I do not think age matters if two people really like/care about each other. Some women in their late 20's who have children from a previous relationship may not want anymore children and are now ready to resume their life with a new guy who can be a good husband and father. Who knows? She may have had her kids at a very early age and the guy turned out to be a total jerk. Now she is ready for some stability in her life and for her children. So, she very well may welcome a guy a little older than she is. Or, she could be still immature and is looking for someone to help pay/raise her kids.

So, again, you just never know until you start peeling the layers of the onion back and get to reveal the real person. And this will take time. Several dates and phone calls. Not reading an over-exaggerated profile on the Internet. I hope this helps!

southern tz · 02-23-2008, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Here's a question I've got for Nikki and Susan and S&S:

When I'm on match.com, once I find a woman that I'm interested in, I look to see what she looks for in a man's income and job. I've noticed many women are looking for a guy who makes a certain amount of money. These women I've stayed away from because this tells me they are placing more emphasis and importance on the money side of the relationship versus really wanting a guy for his qualities and him as a person. Comments?

Also, I've been primarily looking for single moms with at least one child, either divorced, separated or never married. My reasoning behind this is I believe that a single mom would be able to relate to me on a parental level and thus make dating easier because there is that mutual level of understanding. Plus, I've also been under the impression that women find it sexy as hell to see a single, divorced dad taking a completely active role in his childs life and giving parenthood 100% of his efforts. Comments/suggestions?

I've been discussing this with many people, including my very own mother. She thinks I should broaden my age range and look for women in their late 20's (about 10 years younger than myself) because typically these women are still building their lives and since I'm in the same stage at the moment, that would make it perfect for both of us. Now I've intentionally left out women in this age range as well as without children because I sort of figure they wouldn't want to attach themselves to a guy with baggage already. This is a total assumption on my part but I'm wondering if I should just go for this category of women also? It would definitely widen the range of women I have to choose from and as my mom pointed out, I don't know who does or doesn't want to bother with a divorced dad with kids until I email them and start up a dialog.

Thanks for the input ladies................do appreciate it.

I differ just a little with Susan on some of these issues. I think some women may want to know how much money you make not because they want you to fully support them. Nor do they want to spend all of your money on their materialistic needs. They may just want to know that information to make sure they are not getting involved with a guy who they will have to support. We can discuss the romantic element all day long, but the facts are that financial issues cause a great deal of break-ups. Some women may just want to know what type of finances you have to determine if that might be a problem in the future.

I wouldn't limit your search to just women who have had children in another relationship. There very well may be some women who just wanted a career first and having children was not a top priority for them. However, being a stepmom is not out of the question if they meet the right guy. As far as if a woman finds it sexy that you dote over your children, it might impress her but she will probably be more impressed as to how you treat her own kids. If you might be her children's new father, she is definitely going to be interested in how you interact with her kids and how they interact with you.

Dating someone 10 years younger than you might be okay under the circumstances that Susan said. However, if she has never had any kids, you may want to nip that in the bud because more than likely she will want one or more in the future.

short&sassy · 02-23-2008, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Hey short&sassy, question? What is your business?

I am a self employed nail tech. Nothing fancy but I love it.

JonPop · 02-23-2008, 10:39 PM

So you inspect all those 16p nails guys build houses with? hee

10 · 02-24-2008, 12:27 AM

Ladies and sikdogg, I really appreciate your answers. And now, I'm going to throw a whallop into all of this.

Last night while at work, several of us went to a local, hip restaurant for dinner as we typically do that to celebrate the fact that it's Friday, the weekend, etc.

Well, my boss invited this chick that sits at the other end of the office but who I met last week. Very, very nice girl. Her name is Marlene. Anyway, Marlene had tried to set me up with one of her friends in the real estate business who's 41. I thought "cool, right around my age range and she's single.........sure, why not??"

So anyway, last night at dinner, Marlene and I sat next to one another and I've got to tell you all, I really find her attractive, both physically and internally. She's got a great sense of humor, upbeat personality and a genuine good nature about her. So, I found myself through the natural course of conversation asking her things about her family, any pets, and the all important question, did she have a boyfriend. The answer was "no".

Naturally, you can all see where this was going. I am pretty damn hot for Marlene. And, I do think she'd go out with me if I were to ask her.

Here are my two biggest hangups and where I need the most advise on this. I don't want to say ANYTHING to her without carefully thinking this through. First of all, I am generally totally against dating anyone in my office. If something should go wrong through the course of dating you have to see each other every day and that can make things very, VERY awkward for the both of you. Not to mention should she get scorned, what's not to say she wouldn't go to HR and file a sexual harassment charge? Is it worth the risk?

My second hangup is her age. She's only 23. I know, I feel like a freakin' pervert being that I'm 14 years older than she is but she is absolutely one of the most mature sounding 23 year olds I've ever spoken too.

I seriously don't know what to do about this. I actually lost sleep over thinking about her last night. I haven't lost sleep over a woman in God knows how long.

And when she comes over to my section of the office, I find myself making small talk with her and being very flirtacious

What do I do here guys and gals, ask her out and take the risk or play it safe and admire from a distance? And Maurice, before you respond, taking her out for a quick screw isn't an option (although my mind has wandered about that)............she doesn't play by those rules............something I found out about her from just talking to her last night.

Überschwanz · 02-24-2008, 01:45 AM

10, I'm almost 24 and you know how young I seem. I recommend a no I'm afraid.

southern belle · 02-24-2008, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Ladies and sikdogg, I really appreciate your answers. And now, I'm going to throw a whallop into all of this.

Last night while at work, several of us went to a local, hip restaurant for dinner as we typically do that to celebrate the fact that it's Friday, the weekend, etc.

Well, my boss invited this chick that sits at the other end of the office but who I met last week. Very, very nice girl. Her name is Marlene. Anyway, Marlene had tried to set me up with one of her friends in the real estate business who's 41. I thought "cool, right around my age range and she's single.........sure, why not??"

So anyway, last night at dinner, Marlene and I sat next to one another and I've got to tell you all, I really find her attractive, both physically and internally. She's got a great sense of humor, upbeat personality and a genuine good nature about her. So, I found myself through the natural course of conversation asking her things about her family, any pets, and the all important question, did she have a boyfriend. The answer was "no".

Naturally, you can all see where this was going. I am pretty damn hot for Marlene. And, I do think she'd go out with me if I were to ask her.

Here are my two biggest hangups and where I need the most advise on this. I don't want to say ANYTHING to her without carefully thinking this through. First of all, I am generally totally against dating anyone in my office. If something should go wrong through the course of dating you have to see each other every day and that can make things very, VERY awkward for the both of you. Not to mention should she get scorned, what's not to say she wouldn't go to HR and file a sexual harassment charge? Is it worth the risk?

My second hangup is her age. She's only 23. I know, I feel like a freakin' pervert being that I'm 14 years older than she is but she is absolutely one of the most mature sounding 23 year olds I've ever spoken too.

I seriously don't know what to do about this. I actually lost sleep over thinking about her last night. I haven't lost sleep over a woman in God knows how long.

And when she comes over to my section of the office, I find myself making small talk with her and being very flirtacious

What do I do here guys and gals, ask her out and take the risk or play it safe and admire from a distance? And Maurice, before you respond, taking her out for a quick screw isn't an option (although my mind has wandered about that)............she doesn't play by those rules............something I found out about her from just talking to her last night.

I hate to be the doom and gloom here, but if she is only 23 she will eventually want her own children, no matter how much she loves yours. So, you have to ask yourself are you willing to have some more children if this materializes.

sikdogg · 02-24-2008, 01:58 AM

I say ask her out and see where things go... just be very careful of how you do this. Make sure you keep all communications between the two of you g-rated with little inuendos or someone listening in could take offense and report you. Just ask to meet you for drinks after work and if she's willing to go then take it from there... who knows, maybe she has daddy issues and is looking for an older man...

J/K bro... haha

10 · 02-24-2008, 02:21 AM

I think this would strictly be a "fling" if anything were to develop. I'll admit, the thought of having fun with a 23 year old does excite me. I'm sure she would want children of her own someday and unfortunately, I'm not willing to go there (although I LOVE to practice making them ;)

And who knows dogg, she could be looking for a "dad" type. Never thought I'd see the day where I'd fit that description. And the point you made about sexual inuendos is the very reason why I'm against office romances. This job is working out well for me and I don't want anything blowing it.

southern tz · 02-24-2008, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

I think this would strictly be a "fling" if anything were to develop. I'll admit, the thought of having fun with a 23 year old does excite me. I'm sure she would want children of her own someday and unfortunately, I'm not willing to go there (although I LOVE to practice making them ;)

And who knows dogg, she could be looking for a "dad" type. Never thought I'd see the day where I'd fit that description. And the point you made about sexual inuendos is the very reason why I'm against office romances. This job is working out well for me and I don't want anything blowing it.

Since you stated that this would probably just be a "fling", if she did not work where you did, I would say go for it. But nowadays with all the sexual harrassment lawsuits, you might want to pass on this one.

10 · 02-24-2008, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southern tz

Since you stated that this would probably just be a "fling", if she did not work where you did, I would say go for it. But nowadays with all the sexual harrassment lawsuits, you might want to pass on this one.

I think you're absolutely right. The last thing I need right now is HR getting called in. That's the very reason why I've always been against office romances and why I generally tell my friends to avoid them like the plague.

italiananglo69 · 02-24-2008, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10

Ladies and sikdogg, I really appreciate your answers. And now, I'm going to throw a whallop into all of this.

Last night while at work, several of us went to a local, hip restaurant for dinner as we typically do that to celebrate the fact that it's Friday, the weekend, etc.

Well, my boss invited this chick that sits at the other end of the office but who I met last week. Very, very nice girl. Her name is Marlene. Anyway, Marlene had tried to set me up with one of her friends in the real estate business who's 41. I thought "cool, right around my age range and she's single.........sure, why not??"

So anyway, last night at dinner, Marlene and I sat next to one another and I've got to tell you all, I really find her attractive, both physically and internally. She's got a great sense of humor, upbeat personality and a genuine good nature about her. So, I found myself through the natural course of conversation asking her things about her family, any pets, and the all important question, did she have a boyfriend. The answer was "no".

Naturally, you can all see where this was going. I am pretty damn hot for Marlene. And, I do think she'd go out with me if I were to ask her.

Here are my two biggest hangups and where I need the most advise on this. I don't want to say ANYTHING to her without carefully thinking this through. First of all, I am generally totally against dating anyone in my office. If something should go wrong through the course of dating you have to see each other every day and that can make things very, VERY awkward for the both of you. Not to mention should she get scorned, what's not to say she wouldn't go to HR and file a sexual harassment charge? Is it worth the risk?

My second hangup is her age. She's only 23. I know, I feel like a freakin' pervert being that I'm 14 years older than she is but she is absolutely one of the most mature sounding 23 year olds I've ever spoken too.

I seriously don't know what to do about this. I actually lost sleep over thinking about her last night. I haven't lost sleep over a woman in God knows how long.

And when she comes over to my section of the office, I find myself making small talk with her and being very flirtacious

What do I do here guys and gals, ask her out and take the risk or play it safe and admire from a distance? And Maurice, before you respond, taking her out for a quick screw isn't an option (although my mind has wandered about that)............she doesn't play by those rules............something I found out about her from just talking to her last night.

im with Uber on this one 10. i dated a 25 yo last year and there is just nothing in common besides sex. If you want something long lasting go for the 32-42 age group. they will be closer to where you are in your life and you can build something for the future.

10 · 02-25-2008, 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by italiananglo69

im with Uber on this one 10. i dated a 25 yo last year and there is just nothing in common besides sex. If you want something long lasting go for the 32-42 age group. they will be closer to where you are in your life and you can build something for the future.

I think the answer is painfully obvious here. Personally, I don't see a future with Marlene. She's just too young for me. At best, our relationship would be strictly about sex...........which isn't a bad thing BUT, I need more than that. And, making the relationship strictly sexual wouldn't work because we work in the same office and that would definitely make things very, very uncomforable. I can't do that to myself or her.

I think the item that makes my situation a little different than some is my kids. If I'm looking for something long lasting, I have to look at her and ask myself "would she make a suitable female role model for my daughters?" I think this is why I've tended to gravitate towards single moms.

One thing remains for certain, trying to find someone in this day and age is not impossible, but very challenging if not down right difficult. It seems as though all of the good ones are always taken.

slickwillie · 02-25-2008, 08:43 PM

Hey 10, I agree with everyone here (in most things mentioned about this), but my 2 cents is make sure you get her number just in case she (or you) change jobs! Then just enjoy the sex or whatever happens and go from there. :)
On a similar note, just because a gal is in her 20's doesn't mean that she'll be good/great in bed. True statement because a friend of mine has mentioned this to me recently, so we need to help out his new (young) girlfriend the next time we hang out (basically my wife showing her how to do shit).
Cheers bro and good luck no matter how this story turns out...

10 · 02-25-2008, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickwillie

Hey 10, I agree with everyone here (in most things mentioned about this), but my 2 cents is make sure you get her number just in case she (or you) change jobs! Then just enjoy the sex or whatever happens and go from there. :)
On a similar note, just because a gal is in her 20's doesn't mean that she'll be good/great in bed. True statement because a friend of mine has mentioned this to me recently, so we need to help out his new (young) girlfriend the next time we hang out (basically my wife showing her how to do shit).
Cheers bro and good luck no matter how this story turns out...

Actually, I wasn't really looking at her age and equating that to great sex. I was more or less thinking that she'd be alot of fun to hang out with and kind of take me back age wise to a easier, more fun time in my own life. Now, I would be totally lying here if I did say that I didn't for a moment think about what the sex would be like with her..........hell yeah I did. And still do. But I think it be best if I kept a rational head about this and maybe decided to casually date if/when I change jobs.

sikdogg · 02-25-2008, 10:20 PM

I don't think that there are many women in their early 20's that's going to be great in the sack... that comes from years of experience. Not saying that they all suck in the sex department as i'm sure there are some that are great, i'm just saying that sex with women in their early 20's is very different than sex with women in their 30's or 40's... I most definitely prefer 30's and 40's for experience but the tight bodies of the 20's is hard to say no to...

Betterman · 02-26-2008, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sikdogg

I don't think that there are many women in their early 20's that's going to be great in the sack... that comes from years of experience. Not saying that they all suck in the sex department as i'm sure there are some that are great, i'm just saying that sex with women in their early 20's is very different than sex with women in their 30's or 40's... I most definitely prefer 30's and 40's for experience but the tight bodies of the 20's is hard to say no to...

I don't know. When it comes to lovemaking, it's au natur'ale.

You pair up the right couple. That can generate some lightening and thunder. You'll have a great recipe for ecstasy, right from the start.

Regardless of age.

I challenge the silent viewers to Speak Up about your love. Mi Lady and I can't be the only ones to achieve this.