curly

My wife and I have been talking about divorce and putting our house up for sale. We have not been happy in the last few years .

italiananglo69

tried getting counseling at all?

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curly

I have gone to some counseling for several weeks. My wife couldn't go because of the job she has.

JonPop

Loki...Want to chime in here?

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I've got a Tiger by the Tail

StrokerAce69

Curly I have been through this with my wife 2 times in 20 years. I don`t know your situation and don`t know your history.That being said, If you love this woman and she loves you, do WHATEVER you can to communicate your feelings and salvage your relationship. Both people have to want it, and if that means therapist, clergy, sweat lodge..... you get my point. I REALLY hope you two can come together and find a medium, as I would not wish affairs of the heart on my worst enemy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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curly

We have drifted apart over the years. She was a virgin when we married and she is a church going gal. She has never had a horny bone in her body. She can take sex or leave it and she leaves it , unless I really pursue her. To be honest with you, I'm tired of always making the first move. She weighs over 200 lbs. and I can't get her to lose weight. She always wears big panties and never , ever tries to turn me on. I am just about to give up hope. I have tried to love her and be good to her. I can't ever say the p word or the f word around her. She is all work and no play. I like to have fun and do things different sometimes. I can always predict the outcome of sex with her before we get started. She has had less than 5 orgasms this year. She maybe has had 2 or 3. Needless to say I have a very boring marriage to put it mildly.

W.M.P.

All in all, relationships are not easy. Anybody can have a "relationship" when it's all fun and games; getting through tough times is what really tests a true relationship at the seams, just the same way as adversity builds true character in an individual. I don't know your situation but, whatever the case, try as hard as possible to step aside from your feelings whenever you can and assess the situation in the most stoic and practical way while viewing things from both sides. I've learned that, by trying to step aside from your emotional self, the chances of making decisions out of haste while in a state of emotional distress. Creating space to breathe for both can also make a huge difference. My best friend and his wife (who've been together for 17 yrs) hit a rough patch a couple of years ago. The vibe at home was getting prety toxic, so he decided to rent an apartment (15min drive) in town, but wth enough of a buffer zone for both. Slowly but surely, both started seeing things more clearly by allowing each other some space and took their time before he finally moved back home for good. It's just tough sometimes, man. If everything is all "peaches & cream" all the time in a relationship, then I'd be a bit worried.

W.M.P.

Whoa!!! This sounds to me like something you should try to get out of ASAP. People do grow apart sometimes and it is what it is. It's nothing new, Curly. It sucks that you're going through this but facing the facts like this, is the 1st step to moving forward. The fact that you're here at Betterman speaks volumes about how the woman you just described is the furthest thing from what would bring your way the kind of things you crave in your life. Sex is not everything that matters in a relationship but it is extremely important.

StrokerAce69

Hell no. You don`t know if they have kids or what their deal is. Let him decide what he needs ASAP. Just because he is here and wants to make his cock bigger or have better hard on`s doesn`t mean he does not love his girl or want to continue his life with her. People go through shit in their life. It is better for THEM to sort it out!

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10

OK, I'm going to chime in here Curly as I've been divorced now going on 4 years and while some may say that it's great as you get a new lease on life, let me be the first to tell you that divorce SUCKS ASS! Plain and simple.

Very much like your situation, my ex and I drifted apart over the years. We met in our early 20's and had a long 12 year relationship until we decided to part ways 5 years ago. It was extremely tough losing my partner, my lover, my friend, my sex buddy, my everything. The woman that gave me two beautiful daughters. Unfortunately, she wasn't into me nor I her. Sounds off with the description I just gave above but it's true. She resented and despised just about everything that interested me. She hated the fact that I worked out and took care of my bod. She hated my special diet requirements and such and just got resentful of me over the years. Come to find out the one who really was miserable was her. She had and still does have huge self esteem issues that I tried for 12 long years to help her get over and her stubborn ego eventually wore me out.

Now I don't know your situation and all but Stroker is absolutely correct, you need to analyze this for yourself and see what you really want. Life is short brother and to be tied to someone that just doesn't do it for you anymore is no way to live. Is your wife physically unappealing to you? For me, my ex had (and still does) a pretty damn good body for having 2 kids. But sex was so boring and mundane all the time. It was always in the dark and had to always be missionary style. Don't get me wrong, we did change up now and then but it was usually missionary as doggie wasn't comfortable for her for whatever reason. Things just got to the point where the only commonalities we shared were our kids.

I guess you need to take a step back, analyze your relationship with her and determine if it's worth salvaging. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? I would talk to her first and see what her reaction is before you do anything hasty.

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Betterman

Why are you unhappy? Why is she unhappy? Try to list a few items. How long have the both of you been married? What do the both of you wish to gain with a divorce? Are there children involved?

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Enlighten the people, generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like spirits at the dawn of day. - Thomas Jefferson

"The individual is handicapped by coming face to face with a conspiracy so monstrous he
cannot believe it exists". -- J. Edgar Hoover, FBI Director 1924-1972, quoted in The Elks Magazine (August 1956).

"It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from
its [corrupt feudal] government." -- Thomas Paine.

"Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak". -- Mark Twain.

"The money powers prey upon the nation in times of peace and conspire against it in times of adversity. It is more despotic than a monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, and more selfish than bureaucracy. It denounces as public enemies all who question its methods or throw light upon its crimes. I have two great enemies, the Southern Army in front of me and the
bankers in the rear. Of the two, the one at my rear is my
greatest foe." -- President Abraham Lincoln.

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell.


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W.M.P.

Chill, Stroker. It's not like Curly is gonna grab my words and run with what I said. That being said, the whole thing about having kids makes it more important to get down to the matter of things and see if it's truly realistic that things will get any better. When it comes to kids, growing up surrounded by the cloud of negativity that a "dead marriage" carries with it, can be way worse than dealing with divorce. Sure divorce can be tough on kids; no doubt. But, judging from what I've seen on my personal life, kids are better off being raised by two civil, cooperative, caring divorced parents that spending one minute too long surrounded by the rotting carcass of a dead marriage. I have lifelong close friends of mine who are products of both situations. The ones who's parents decided to drag along the dead marriage "for the kid's sake" until my friends were in their late teens/ early twenties, are now in their mid 30's a still dealing with the effect it had on them. Most of them are seriously "behind' in their lives; trying to catch up and living like loosers because they were drained of every ounce of inspiration while growing up into young adults while stuck in such a mess. Kids are not stupid; they catch up to every vibe between their parents regardless of how civilized they are while around their kids, which makes them even more resentful.

10

W.M.P., I don't know if you've got kids your ownself but brother, you said a mouthful right here. I've got two daughters and my ex and I split BEFORE the tension in the house could get any worse. My kids were really young at the time, my oldest was just 5.

So, here we sit, 4 years later, my oldest just turned 10 and I'll tell you all right now, my kids are happy, well adjusted, mentally healthy and I personally believe it's because my ex and I ended things when we did and chose to raise our kids in a co-parent situation. If my kids had a question about what happened between mommy and me, I explain it to them WITHOUT saying one negative thing about their mother (they can learn that shit on their own). The transformation in both of my girls has been utterly astounding. So what they've got two households they're being raised in. Point is their lives are not being fucked with nor are they being used as pawns in an adults world. They are being given the opportunity to grow and develop in two loving, nurturing homes without negativity, bad mouthing, belittling or any of the other crap that adults like to bring into it. This doesn't mean my ex and I still don't mix well as..........we seriously don't. But, we put aside our petty adult crap for the sake of our kids and by God, it's worked! And I think it's seriously very sad when adults act worse than the kids do in a divorce situation!! Absolutely pathetic!


That's MY 2cents...................

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curly

Thanks every one for the replies. We have been married 28 years this coming June 14th. She was 17 and turned 18 in July. I was 26. Our only son is 18 and he graduates next month. He is thinking about either joining the air force or either going to live with his grandparents less than an hour away. He does not know his mother and I are discussing divorce. I didn't want to spoil his graduation. If we work things out, then I would maybe not even tell him we were having problems. He goes to school and works a part-time job and hangs out with his friends, so he isn't home much. My wife works 9-5 Mon. -Thur. and 9-6 on Fri.

MykzSoc

Hey Curly,

Thoughts and best wishes for both you and your wife. I don’t give out advice cause each of us has to take control of our own situation and go from there.

However, I do believe in knowledge.

Sounds like you and your wife are two very different people with different drives in a number of areas. There are similarities, too, fore sure. Differences can be an asset if each loves the other and learns why the differences exist in the first place. There’s got to be a reason two people fell in love and lasted this long together and difference is part of the equation.

Again, knowledge is the key because it leads to awareness.

You might check the public library or do a google and look up Myers & Briggs. Building on Carl Yung, Myers and Briggs defined 16 different universal personality types and how they relate to one another.

A good book from the library is Just Your Type: Creating the relationship you’ve always wanted using the secrets of personality type by Tieger and it outlines all this.

From the book you can figure out what your type is, and why you are the way you are. You can see why you are not weird nor odd and neither is your wife. You've lived with the love of your life for 28 years so you will be able to figure out her type or maybe this can be a joint effort. But guys are often take charge types and being knowledgeable and prepared doesn’t hurt your chances.

With knowledge comes awareness and strength and better decision making skills.

The book looks thick but it compares all 16 character types with each other; 256 permutations. You are concerned with one of these, your wife and yourself so the read is not insurmountable.

One would only have to read Part one, about sixty pages, and the two pages that explain the similarities and differences giving a) The Joys, b) The Frustrations and c) two short outlines on how each of you can reach out to the other– the dos and don’ts, essentially. The key words in the c) section are giving and compromise. Knowing what you do that frustrates and pleases your partner is pure knowledge from which you can learn to change. Given a door to hope, she may feel the same.

Hopefully you both have the willingness and desire to reach out to the other.

You know what to do regarding your son. You know your relationship. You’ve made the good choice already.

Best wishes, bud. My thoughts and meditations will be with you.

Cheers,
Myk

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Betterman

If you've been married 28 yrs. I personally would take the Mrs. by the hand and just say "let's put some romance back in the relationship. The kids are grown. It's time for us again." Then I would take some time from work and just go. Somewhere where you both had a great time enjoying each other's company. If you're honeymoon place was romantic. Maybe revisit. If it wasn't, go somewhere that has scenery. It doesn't have to cost alot. The most important thing to remember in a marriage is to be unselfish. After all, you both Promised not to be. I think people forget this.

__________________
Enlighten the people, generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like spirits at the dawn of day. - Thomas Jefferson

"The individual is handicapped by coming face to face with a conspiracy so monstrous he
cannot believe it exists". -- J. Edgar Hoover, FBI Director 1924-1972, quoted in The Elks Magazine (August 1956).

"It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from
its [corrupt feudal] government." -- Thomas Paine.

"Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak". -- Mark Twain.

"The money powers prey upon the nation in times of peace and conspire against it in times of adversity. It is more despotic than a monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, and more selfish than bureaucracy. It denounces as public enemies all who question its methods or throw light upon its crimes. I have two great enemies, the Southern Army in front of me and the
bankers in the rear. Of the two, the one at my rear is my
greatest foe." -- President Abraham Lincoln.

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell.


For new rollers only -
http://www.naturesaccents.com/cart/c...c&p=34392e3935

curly

I took her shopping today and took her out to dinner this evening. I also took her lunch at her work. We come home from dinner and she tried her new blue jeans on. I had the pm on for several hours today, so when I took it off I was nice and plump. I left my buttons open on my fly so the Mrs. could see some erect skin. I laid down on the bed on her pillow and watched her undress. Her breasts still turn me on. She never even acknowledged me. She put her pajamas on and went in the other room. It is always this way night after night after night. How much of this is a guy supposed to take?

curly

And many times when I make the move, she is either tired or not in the mood or it is the wrong time. One day I was in a playful mood and I hid in the closet naked. I waited on her to come in, so I jump out to grab her and play. Needless to say I didn't get any that day.

curly

I just read a couple of these nice posts to her and she says, "good night" . With that, she was off to bed. I just don't know what else to do.

W.M.P.

I'd say start planning your exit while you're still young; you don't wanna wait until you're to old to get a hard-on. By then, you might as well stay and watch Club 700 reruns all day. You're entitled to enjoy yourself in a vibrant, joyous relationship. All relationships require work and will bring not-so-blissfull moments and situations here and there. However, a sexless relationship? Completely devoid of the joy and relief that some good sex can bring after dealing with all the annoyances of daily life? Get out. Breaking up, regardless of the situation, is never easy, However, ask yourself: What will be worse, dealing with the temporary discomfort of breaking away from something that used to be nice aeons ago or spending the rest of your days like this?

Überschwanz

He said he's been married nearly 28 years.

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W.M.P.

Exactly. He doesn't have time to waste.

10

I'm going to fully support what W.M.P. said here. My wife and I made our exit from one another while we were both still young enough to live our lives and find someone with whom the each of us was more compatable with. My ex wants someone to travel with and just go to dinner with. I want someone to do those things with but also someone with a HEALTHY and ACTIVE interest in sex! That's mandatory for me. My ex was like your wife curly. I think she only had sex to procreate. The "recreation" part of sex was few and far between after the kids came around. I couldn't take it as I'm a very sexual guy..........I like it all!

Anyway, I know it's hard after 28 years but bro, you're not getting any younger and if she isn't going to appreciate you, then you need to find someone who will!

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Betterman

The ways to be happy are infinite. You need to find out why your spouse isn't happy. This isn't going to happen overnight. A souring relationship takes a while to develop. A cure will be the same. The only way your relationship will fail. Is only if one or bot