A Beginners routine for NEWBIES. - Page 14

BigRichard · 05-30-2008, 03:43 AM

I posted this on the Newbie "Introduce Yourself" thread but...

I'll suggest it again...

EMU OIL

You'll never go back to anything else. You can get it at Vitamin Shoppe, or at lots of places online.

Expensive though... be prepared.

MykzSoc · 05-30-2008, 07:42 PM

Hi Guys,

From the PE sites I've looked at, and I've done my share, this site rocks. I was kind of shy at sharing the goods on my junk, but what the hell. They've caused me a lot of misery so why not spread the misery around. For me, I've made tremendous gains; from another's eye I still have a lot to whine about. But it is good to finally have the balls, and I have three of them - more on this later - to post to BetterMan PE Newbies forum; some of you guys are as out to lunch as I am so I can see I am in good company. Let it be said, there is nothing stuffy about the members of the BetterMan's PE forum, no bars hold. Although regarding "serious" I'm not Judge Judy. Damn she's hot! Mmmmmmmm Courtroom benches. (Hommer style)

I have been attempting some PEing for nearly 2 months, much of which I found the encouragement to do from you guys. Unfortunately I did not get all my stats down properly in the beginning, I'm a little scattered, so I have posted below what I did get and left blank the ones I missed. I'm not even sure if my original erect girth is correct. I think I began as a fiver. Can you gain nearly an inch in two months. I think not, so five will have to stand and accept shrinkage but in my heart of hearts I know it to wrong. How can it feel sooo much thicker but be thinner. Have to mediate on this to see what to do about it. I don’t like to lie, but Mistakes is my middle name.

You know, and this is kind a personal, I had lost the ability to sustain Willy in his intended stature and a mushy jerk-off was all that life seemed to hold out for him. Well, when I could get Will rock hard and, in time, could find a ruler among my frantic clutter, before he gave up the ghost (really, should one have to carry a ruler in one's pocket for life's little emergencies?) I swear I measured five. That's what I wrote down. But the numbers on a ruler can be so confusing at times. I mean, the damned things come with two sets of numbers in my country. Life is not getting any simpler. But after a few days, was it a week, of pulling and scrunching the hell out of him, he seemed to hang a little and not turtle, and kept alive during my nocturnal pummelling but he wasn't rocky hard-bumpy nor squishy like a thawed banana, as in past. He seemed thick and smooth and sensitive and firm and, well, alive-like. But he who feels thicker only measures up to 4.8, now. Go figure. But who's to complain? But I can’t get him rock-hard even though everything else is on the + side, physical, mental, emotional. Anyway, what ever is to come will be as will be, but by God I want to hang like a Sasquatch. Hope he's doing better than his Great Ape cousins or I'm in deep shit.

Hey there, JonPop boy. Have been trying your basic Newbies routine in the shower after I am warmed up and again in bed at night. If June knew what I was cooking in her microwave just before bedtime she'd never warm her tea there again. I have to leave the room every time she uses it or I crack up; then she'd know evil was afoot. I'm sharing a residence and have to be somewhat discreet. I like to be naked. Putting a book over your Johnny is discreet, isn't it. Well, thoughtful, at least. The shit I have to put up with! Think I'll tell her when I move. I'll need her microwave.

JonPop, if I've got this right, when V Jelqing the OK grip has the thumb and forefinger on top of the penis, the V underneath. Doing this and my boys get in the way. Worse yet, I don't have the wrist dexterity to get into that position. I'm off by a couple of clock hours. I'd like to claim an old war wound but both wrists suffer the same calamity. Besides, how are the two Jelq exercises all that different, bud? Previously I had not been doing V Jelq exercise this way so that might be why my gains over the past two months have not helped me as much in my PBEL though FL and FG are tremendously improved. But you're the master and to badly paraphrase Frank, I will do them your way from now on. Boys be damned.

Great post, Skeptic00. I’m going to try as you advise

[quote: if you need to tweek things to make it work for yourself, don’t be afraid to.]

though am afraid to mess up the V Jelq thing which I suspect is important; so hope JonPop will have suggestions other than have a bud do it for me; all turned me down for some reason. Well there’s June but we’re not on speaking terms at the moment.

The kegel stretches I also do during the day while stretching my cock, after taking a wiz, on long trips in the car, whilst watching TV, standing in line at the Co-op; anytime I can find some privacy. I am a kegel neurotic and do a thousand or more in a day. (no lie) I do them long, slow and hard. I do them in steps up to seven and back again and I do them in one long slow easy squeeze beginning at one while increasing intensity counting off to hard squeeze seven. Sometimes I skip by twos or count up to five, down to three, up to seven, down to four, etc.

I bet you're wondering why I count to seven instead of ten. If you're not wondering, you should. It's a good story. You see there are seven notes in a scale. And I line up the seven kegel powers of squeezing force to notes on the scale I am thinking or crowing at the time. Although I can't play the piano very well, I have a knack of reading music and I like to figure out the notes of songs I hear. I also have perfect pitch though I sound like a crow when I sing and all those damned keys on the piano get in the way of my fingers. (Why are there so many. If there were only five in a scale I'd be off to the races.) When I'm bored I compose a ditty on lined music paper or in my head. So I figured I could put these rather useless tricks to good use when I kegel.

You see, doing a thousand, maybe ten thousand kegels a day, I got bored just doing my skip counting. So then I thought to add music. At first I just did my scales either silently in my head or aloud in my crow voice. Then I tried doing my skip counting to songs. Well, the rest is history and kegel music was brought into being. I lead a pretty boring life but I bet, thanks to my useless cacophony of musical abilities, I could crack walnuts with my kegel muscles.

I do a neat trick with a tennis ball. I sit on it and kegel. (You know I bet that Dr Kegel was a strange bugger. How would you like a place on your ass named after you. But I bet he felt honoured. Gotta love than man. Wonder if the waitress at his local Timmy’s knew whom she was serving he'd get off on paying his bill. “Hey, I do your exercises, Dr Kegel.” Round of applause from the patrons. His chair and table are embossed with his name along with a diagram of an asshole with little gold arrows pointing to the kegel muscles. Fights breaking out over who gets to eat their doughnuts at the Kegel table with the picture on it. <Sorry, got carried away; but my Dr Kegel efforts could be a post unto themselves. I could do this unsung hero a tirade of operatic proportion.>)

Back to sports. (I first tried a hockey puck but it would only work on its side and then it would slip and the penalty would even make Lankow sit up and ponder.) So I chose a tennis ball. I place the ball anywhere between the anus and the perineum. It makes me more conscious of the little muscle movements and keeps me focused. It also makes it easier to know if your actually doing them right by magnifying your efforts. But make sure you've had a good dump before hand. Would not be fun doing this while motoring on a long trip far from a turn off. Pissing in a bottle is pretty common; doing its bigger brother's job, not so easy. However, let it be said I do not speak from experience, yet. But like a good scout, I travel prepared. I carry a tennis ball round in my pocket everywhere I go.

Had to go to hospital over a slight injury unrelated to kegeling and all I could think about was how fortunate I was to have my little round friend in my pocket. I did my kegel squeezes six straight hours that day. I feel my third ball has great potential for stimulating blood circulation and better health in this patch of the woods. (Caught you off guard. Bet you had forgotten about my third ball.) Got to be good for something. Someone ask his doctor. I can't ask mine. He's just looking for an excuse to ship me off again.

When I first did the flaccid penis stretch my LOT was six. The tug back was so strong at twelve o'clock I knocked out a tooth. Too much Vaseline. I've tried some hanging with an old hanging lamp screw in the ceiling which then drops down the stairwell leading to the first floor; conveniently next to the chesterfield I like to stretch out on in all my glory. Book nearby, just in case. (Gees, that's kind of precarious. I mean, what if things went awry and Willy went off on a ride of his own without my permission; hey, I wonder if the boys would go with him.) I have used both 7.5 and 10 pound weights and its kind of curious seeing the weight's insipid attempts to rise with each kegel. Since I warned those ligs to give up or I'm making a call to the surgeon, there's been some feeble progress. Now my LOT is at about sevenish and noon does seem a bit on the wane. I am determine to fight the good fight and show those ligs who's boss.

Well, that's enough for now guys. Time for bed and I have my work cut out for me. I'm attempting a catchy little tune by Wagner, his Rid of the Valkyies. It'll take some doing as Wagner’s like me. Off the scales at times.

Next time I'll let you know how my ball stretching has being going. Who's the bastard who thought those things up. I've gone up half an octave in my crow voice since beginning them. I could go on for hours, but duty calls.

Cheers,
Myk

ps During my sojourn on this great earth, I have but one true desire and that is to never intentionally hurt another soul, not even a woman. (Damn. I'm in trouble now. I suffer from a dreaded case of the “can't-keep-my-thoughts-to-myself-for-the-sake-of-trying”. It's like an uncontrollable ramble or some shaky disease. And I do try so hard. Its like it's just gotta cum out. It's like a form of schizophrenia, and I don't mean to give schizophrenia a bad name. It's a documented condition, unfortunately not terminal, and I have sought help; all to no avail. I've been dragged off of so many couches - but that's another lengthy story.) This is why I have no friends and everybody hates me. Especially the wife and kids. To this day the wife blames me for her weak bowels and I swear by the Great Buddha, I've never gone up there, intentionally. You know, you drink a little and become confused.

Now someone might, from the way I have put this first epistle together, think that I don't take PE seriously. Seriously I do. My gains, tremendous in my eyes, and really, that's all that counts, have brought me out of an obsession of manly inadequacy. Fuck, after almost 2 months on a euphoric high, what PE has to offer is bloody amazing. Even if its only ruptured capillaries (ka pill er eeez) and a bad case of the swellings, I will jelq, pull, squeeze, twist, tie in knots, slap, hammer, suction, whack and jerk off my Cramer till the day I die. To wake up to a woody again, nay, to finally feel a decent organism, is right up their with the second coming. No religious insult intended. Anything to keep teeny but a figment of my sick and sordid imagination.

So please don't ban me, JonPop, if I've done you wrong. Just delete this crap and I will write normal from now on. Honest. I think I can do it.

JonPop · 05-30-2008, 08:31 PM

Um...Welcome MykzSoc. I think my left eyeball just fell out onto my cheek.

JonPop · 05-30-2008, 08:43 PM

I think I did find a question in there somewhere. About the V" Jelqs?
Maybe this explaination will help.

Look at the palm of your hand, spread middle and ring fingers, cup your hand slightly. Turn hand toward your abdoman, insert Penis in "V", at the base of your penis. Slide up the shaft, pulling upwardly, until you reach the Glans, hold the stretch a second and then start other hand up, halfway up with the second hand, release the first hand and bring it back down to the base of your penis. Pull straight up. Pull up and to the right. Pull up and to the Left. This is one Rep X 3 "V" Jelqs. Use lots of lube for this, you want your hands (fingers) to slide smoothly. If you don't cup your hand, you would be poking yourself in the stomach. Put as much pressure as comfortable, squeezing with the fingers. Do 30 reps.

MykzSoc · 05-30-2008, 09:17 PM

Thanks JohPop,

I think I've got it. Thumb and ring fingers spread eagle, not index. Palms are facing up. Curly fingers towards belly, wrists away from self. Right hand pulls up, left pull left, right pulls right. Repeat whilst increasing pressure. A huh moment

It's got rhythm. I will have to apply more force but for the first little while, will have to do my reps if this is going to become second nature. I think this is going to work.

Peace,
Myk

StrokerAce69 · 05-30-2008, 11:02 PM

Welcome to the site Myk. Interesting post you have . There ARE seven notes in the Ionian mode, are you a musician with formal training?

Crook · 06-04-2008, 07:03 AM

JP, I am just starting jelqing and I want to use this routine but I have some questions:

Why don't we stretch straight down?

Also the 2nd time you mention circle stretches you say to pull straight out then do them, this implys that the circles should be small, should these be big circles or small(I am assuming big and that we dont need to stretch out).

For Wet Jelqs, do we not jelq past the gland, or do we go right to the end?

Thanks.

JonPop · 06-04-2008, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crook

JP, I am just starting jelqing and I want to use this routine but I have some questions:

Why don't we stretch straight down?

You CAN stretch straight down if you want to.

Quote:

Also the 2nd time you mention circle stretches you say to pull straight out then do them, this implys that the circles should be small, should these be big circles or small(I am assuming big and that we dont need to stretch out).

In the routine I said BIG circles, holding the stretch.

Quote:

For Wet Jelqs, do we not jelq past the gland, or do we go right to the end?

Thanks.

Do not Jelq the Glans. Jelq to the Glans, hold for a second or so, then start the other hand up.

atsyuo · 06-08-2008, 05:58 AM

Hey Johnpop, Ive spent some time reading your forum now and investigating as much as possible. I just have some questions (should'nt seem hard to answer and I hope they arnt reposts). My questions are fairly simple but can't seem to see them being answered anywhere. First, I understand the method of finding my LOT 100%. My LOT is around 6:00 to 7:00. Now do you call this a low LOT or a high LOT? Is 12:00 the point considered "High" in these forums or considered "Low"? Secondly, Since my LOT is 6:00 to 7:00 I, think I,am being advised to stretch up or out. Now does this mean I should only stretch up or out? Or should i follow your complete rutien with streching all the ways, be it Up, Right, Down, Left out while keagling 25 times during each strech(followed by your recomended helicopter manuver after each). I appologize again if this is a repost. and thanks to anyone who can answer my questions with out bashing me.

JonPop · 06-08-2008, 03:47 PM

Welcome, atsyuo. Forget the LOT theory. Do all of your exercises in ALL directions.

atsyuo · 06-08-2008, 04:44 PM

Thank you Jon Pop for such a speedy reply. Ill work on what youve instructed.

JonPop · 06-08-2008, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atsyuo

Thank you Jon Pop for such a speedy reply. Ill work on what youve instructed.

You're welcome.
Back 4 years ago when I wrote the Beginners Routine, the LOT theory, by BIB, was the hot topic and the way to exercise. 4 years later, it has been kind of shoved aside as the science of Penis Enlargement has evolved. With all of the new advanced exercises, the LOT theory can't be adheared to. BUT, atsyuo, continue to do the beginners routine as written, for the full 90 days before you attempt any of the advanced exercises you will read about on these boards. You MUST condition your penis. Good Luck and again welcome to the BetterMan. JP

LiftingAddict · 06-12-2008, 07:06 PM

Hey question for you JP or anyone else for that matter. What are the glands on your penis? Maybe dumb question but I have been jelqing up to the dome.

Also for V jelqs is this supposed to be more of a stretch or a jelq? B/c I dunno I can't seem to get enough blood up the base with the V jelq

JonPop · 06-12-2008, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiftingAddict

Hey question for you JP or anyone else for that matter. What are the glands on your penis? Maybe dumb question but I have been jelqing up to the dome.

Also for V jelqs is this supposed to be more of a stretch or a jelq? B/c I dunno I can't seem to get enough blood up the base with the V jelq

I always cringe whenever someone writes, "Glands." The head of your Penis is the "Glans." The "V" Jelq is a combination exersise. Both stretching and Jelqing. Usually around 30-40% erection is right for these.

LiftingAddict · 06-12-2008, 09:56 PM

thxs okay i've been doing them right

short4long · 06-20-2008, 03:30 AM

jonpop
ai the begining of this thread you said you got your gains in a year, did you do this rutine the whole time, or did you use advanced rutines after 90 days.
the only reason i ask is that i really like the newbie rutine, it's quick and simple(well quick @ about 40 mins.) just wondering if it is productive or just for conditioning for the advanced stuff.

JonPop · 06-20-2008, 05:58 AM

Short4, never been asked this question. I got almost half my gains in the first year and yes I went on to more advanced exercises. I still do most parts of the Newbie routine. Stretching and Jelqing are the back bone of PE. This routine is very productive and you will condition and gain if you follow the routine as written. Good luck.

LiftingAddict · 06-20-2008, 03:48 PM

I know the whole 5 day on 2 day off thing is preached for this routine, but could I stretch everyday. I really want a longer dick !

JonPop · 06-20-2008, 03:55 PM

If it would be easier to keep to the routine, go to a 3 day on 1 day off...2 day on 1 day off.

stevelangford · 06-21-2008, 09:55 PM

Hello,

Thank you for the newbie routine. I have been doing it for about a month now and my linus is now starting to curve more to the left (my left arm). Geting a little concerned about this. Any suggestions or advance would be extremely helpful.

JonPop · 06-21-2008, 10:08 PM

Are you using BOTH hands to Jelq with? Right hand, left hand =1 rep.

stevelangford · 06-21-2008, 10:17 PM

yes I am using both hands

stevelangford · 06-22-2008, 02:51 AM

anybody have any advice?

Überschwanz · 06-23-2008, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonPop

Are you using BOTH hands to Jelq with? Right hand, left hand =1 rep.

That's what I was going to suggest.

Epi · 06-23-2008, 03:28 PM

Why is the bit about LOT still in the first post? It simply causes confusion amongst newbies, especially as info is provided about it, then we are told to ignore the theory completely.

Is there any reason why it hasn't been deleted from the first post?